All That I Am
by GabrielleSmith
Summary: Bella Swan is a student at Oxford University, who has left her life in Forks behind her and taken a leap of faith into the unknown. Jacob is her slightly-more-than-best-friend back home. Enter Edward, her devastatingly handsome room-mate. AH.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Welcome! I sincerely hope you enjoy reading this story. Not going to chunter on, but before I begin, obviously nothing of value belongs to me, apart from the plot. If you like it/ hate it/ are confused/just feel the need to say something, please leave me a review . Much love!**

**Chapter One**

I looked at the stuffed giraffe in my hand. His fur was matted and a little dirty after years and years of abuse, he smelled a little, hell, _a lot_, like dirt, and he had, most unfortunately, lost an eye in some tragic accident I could not recall. Yet the compulsion to pack him into my big red suitcase was so strong that my arms would physically not let me let go of him. I was clutching him so tightly it was likely his long, scruffy neck would fall off.

"Cute," a deep voice whispered in my ear, making me jump. An almost painfully white smile appeared in the russet brown face the voice belonged to as he knelt down next to me. Jacob surveyed the giraffe critically. "Where the hell did you find this, Bella? I think it's probably carrying about a million highly deadly germs..."

I ignored him, snuggling the giraffe into my chest. "He is not deadly," I argued. "And it's not an _it,_ he's a _he_. Say hello to Orange, Jacob." I held out one of the giraffe's feet to Jacob, who shook it hesitantly with his hand, a smirk on his face.

"Orange? How imaginative."

"I was two," I complained. "My Mom and Charlie bought him for me from a zoo... I can't even remember which one. He was my favourite toy when I was little, but I haven't seen him for years..." I was lost temporarily in the nostalgia of the little, disgusting animal that represented a very small, but nevertheless important, part of my childhood.

"And is he coming to England with you?" Jacob asked.

"You know what? I think he is," and without further hesitation, I gently but firmly pushed Orange into the top of my suitcase.

"You're mad," Jacob laughed, wrapping his strong, long arms around me. I sighed, a mixture of sadness and happiness causing tears to sting in my eyes. I closed them so I didn't have to see the exact same expression undoubtedly reflected on Jacob's face, and felt the roll down my cheeks. Warm fingers flicked them off. "What are you thinking?" he whispered softly in my ear.

"That I'm scared as hell," I whispered back. I opened my eyes. Jacob was stroking my face with his long fingers, attempting to soothe me.

"What are you scared about?" he asked.

"Everything," I admitted. "But mostly, about going somewhere on a different continent, where I won't know anyone, and won't have anybody to run back to if it all gets too hard."

"You can ring me whenever you want, and I'll visit you whenever I can. You'll be back as well, and you'll make friends, Bell. It'll be fine- you'll love it."

"I know I will," I said. "I've just got cold feet." He laughed, pulling me to my feet as easily as if I was a sack of flour, and dumping me ungracefully onto my childhood bed. It was pink and floral and childish- it was under it I had found the collection of toys and games. All I had discarded, to be donated to children's charities, apart from the stinking giraffe that I had been unable to dispatch of. It was the last piece of my childhood I had to cling on to, and I supposed that was the reason why Orange just _had _to come to England with me.

Jacob led on the bed next to me, staring up at the ceiling. There was a poster of a dinosaur stuck up there with double sided tape. I remembered how it had got there- at the age of twelve I had put a chair on top of my bed, and stood on it on my tip toes to stick that poster on the ceiling. I had succeeded, but as soon as I did, I tumbled off and crashed into my wardrobe, breaking my arm in the process. I sniggered as I remembered the painful, but now funny, memory.

"What's with the dinosaur?" Jake asked.

"He was interesting."

"How old were you when you lived here again?"

"I was fourteen when I moved to Forks, but I was twelve when I did the dinosaur poster."

"Wouldn't a normal girl that age have stuck up, I don't know, a poster of a boy band or something?"

"Haven't you noticed, Jake?" I murmured, taking his hand in my own. "I was never a normal girl."

"I noticed," he grumbled, making me laugh. I sat up on my bed, looking at my now empty room. I hadn't lived here for four years- it had been the room I had aged in, but not grew up in. I hadn't properly grown up, became who I was now, until I had moved to Forks. It had started me on the path to becoming who I was, but it had not shaped it as absolutely as life in Forks had.

The walls were pink and cream- colours that held no appeal for me now. I couldn't remember if I had been attracted to them when I'd had the room painted- when I was about nine. I probably thought they were the right colours to have, so I had chosen them. Now I would have preferred a midnight blue, or a forest green, or maybe crimson. Something a little more interesting and unique.

This was the last part of my leaving home experience- I had packed up everything from my home in Forks, said my goodbyes to my father Charlie, to Billy, to my friends. I had stopped in to my mother's house, my childhood home, for one night, to see if there was anything here I wanted to take with me to Oxford. I hadn't found much- I had taken anything useful to me when I was fourteen and had decided to live in Forks, Washington with the father I didn't feel as if I truly knew, considering he had divorced my mother when I was only five and I had visited sporadically since. And as different as Forks was to Phoenix, I had loved it there, and I knew I would miss it, and all the people living there, so much. Another wave of nostalgia made me so appreciative I had made the decision, enabling me to get to know my father so much better, but also to have Jacob in my life.

Tomorrow, I would be on a plane headed to England, headed across the world, and that would be that. There would be no turning back, no more nights spent in my childhood havens, safe and sound and a little bored. The thought excited me as much as it scared me.

At that very moment, my mom knocked and came into the room before waiting for a reply. It was one of her more annoying tendencies, her complete and utter lack of patience. She looked flustered, her hair a dishevelled mess and her clothes covered in flour. My mom, who had promised me she would make me an incredible meal for my last night in America, who said she had been taking cooking classes, who had excitedly informed me she was able to make all manner of dishes, and I would be truly shocked by her talent in the culinary field.

"We're getting takeout," she snapped. "What do you two want?"

I couldn't help the broad smile that took over my face. It was nice to feel that some things would never change.

"Well this is...nice?" Jacob said, making the statement in to a question, looking at me for approval, searching for my opinion before solidifying his own. The room was small, even smaller than my bedroom in Forks had been. It was pretty bare as well- there was a bed that was too big to be considered as a single bed, yet slightly shy of the size of a double bed, pushed up against a wall that was painted a dark, somewhat secretive grey colour. I had expected cream- lots of cream, and was quietly delighted by the absence of it in all of its drab and predictable glory. Apart from the bed, there was a small wooden wardrobe, a few shelves also painted grey, a humming mini fridge, a reasonable sized television and a black desk.

The room was lots of things. It was boring, impersonal, uninspiring- and it was mine. And for that reason alone, I loved it already. I said as much aloud to Jacob.

"What's with the sudden burst of independence?" he asked, stooping to fiddle with the television. Typical man with his gadgets.

"It's just... cool. To have my own place. Sort of." I amended, dumping my small hand held bed from the flight on the cover of the strangely sized bed. Jacob, of course, had volunteered to lug my large suitcase up the 3 flights of stairs, but annoyingly had done so with a minimal effort, being as ridiculously strong as he was.

"Your own place shared with 12 other hormonal adolescents," Jacob snorted.

"This coming from the high school student," I retorted. I had been the first person to arrive at the shared accommodation that would become my home for at least a year. I had expected this- international students were scheduled to arrive a full 24 hours before everyone else. It appeared I was the only international student in my house. I thought this would mean I would be able to pick my room first- but I was assigned to the one I was in. It was on the top floor of the house, the only room on that floor, and that suited me just fine. I was all for socialising, but I was someone who needed her own space desperately at times.

My stomach twisted as I thought about the twelve other people I would be living with.

I expected Jacob to shoot back some sarcastic comment at me after my age jab, but instead he just came to stand in front of me, his arms reaching out for me, to gently grip my forearms as he studied my face with his dark, watchful eyes.

"They'll all be in the same position as you," he said, surprising me by comforting instead of cajoling me. He must have sensed my fragility and trepidation- I shouldn't really have been surprised. Jacob always seemed to know how I was feeling better than I knew myself. "And there's twelve people living here, at least one of them is bound to be weird enough to get on with you."

I rolled my eyes, knowing the seriousness could never last. "I wonder what English people are like," I said.

"The same as people in America I would guess," Jacob replied. "Apart from they'll talk funny and want to play soccer and have ugly teeth." I giggled as he listed the stereotypes we had dug up weeks ago when he had searched for every scrap of information about England on the internet. "Nah, I'm joking. I'm sure they'll be cool. They'll all be geniuses if they got in here, just like you."

He ruffled my hair affectionately. He always called me his little genius- and I had to admit in spite of myself, it was pretty impressive that I had got a place in Oxford University. Places were hard enough to come by if you lived in the area, never mind if you lived thousands of miles away in America with no ties to it other than the desire to try somewhere new, somewhere far away.

"I hope they're not stuck up," I whispered.

"Some of them will be," Jacob replied. "But you're not stuck up, and you're here." He kissed my forehead, and pulled me to sit next to him on my bed. "Bell, I need to talk to you."

"Famous last words," I muttered, snuggling into his chest. No matter what Jacob said, ever, it would always be impossible for me to feel anything but completely at ease around him. He was the one person that understood me, which I trusted to never hurt me, who I never felt any tension around.

"I just wanted to say... I know you're not my... my girlfriend or anything," Jacob stammered slightly, showing he was uneasy around me right now, surprising me a little. He did know I wasn't his girlfriend- I had always been clear about that. Our relationship was a little, okay _very_ muddled, and in so many ways we had crossed the "just friends" line. And I knew that Jacob loved me more than as just his best friend- and as much as I loved and adored the massive but gentle giant whose arms were wrapped around me right now, it would never be as anything more than my very best friend, my comfort blanket. "And I don't need to give you permission... but I just wanted you to know that you're, obviously, free to do what you want while you're here- kiss as many boys as you want, sleep with whoever you want..." he trailed off. His tone was light and joking, but I knew those words would be hurting him to say.

I sighed as I thought how impossibly selfish I had always been with Jacob. I expected him, and needed him, to be there for me at every turn. Hell, the boy had flown across the world with me just to make sure I got settled in to my new house in university, and then would fly back, completely alone. He loved me; he wanted me to be his. I had kissed Jacob, I had slept with him- but I saw our relationship in the strangest of ways. I had no boundaries with him, no confines to our relationship- apart from one. I did not feel that spark of anything with Jacob. As much as I wanted to love him like he loved me, I couldn't, and I knew it hurt him more than anything. I had volunteered, of course, to leave him alone, to not cling to him as I did, but he had told me he didn't care how much I could or couldn't give him, he just wanted anything that I possibly could. He was so much more than I would ever, ever deserve.

The tears fell silently and without warning down my cheeks. "Why are you crying, Bella?" he asked.

"Because I love you so much, Jake," I whispered. "Thank you so much for everything. I'm going to miss you so, so much. And when I come back to Forks, I expect to see you with some beautiful girl on your arm who is going to make me feel so jealous, and I sincerely hope you can barely remember my name."

"I'll never forget your name, Isabella Marie Swan," he said. For dramatic effect, I presumed.

I couldn't deal with too much emotion just now- I didn't want to cry in front of Jacob. "Well, thanks for giving me your blessing Jake. I'll be sure I kiss every single boy in my room, maybe even some of the girls. That was why I came here after all."

He snorted. "You know that's not what I meant."

"I do know, Jacob. Thank you." It wasn't what I wanted to say, I wanted to say something deep and meaningful and I wanted to make Jacob realised how much he meant to me. But I couldn't find the words- they would just stick in my throat. And anyway, as soon as I had got my acceptance into Oxford, Jacob and I had discussed time and time again how much we meant to each other. I had said all I had needed to say- and I just hoped Jacob knew the depth of how important and fantastic a person he was.

"Well, seeing as you're here now, I suppose you could make yourself useful by helping me unpack," I joked, thinking of the fact that Jacob's flight home left in four hours, and then it would be just me, in this foreign country, with nothing but a dirty stuffed giraffe to cuddle as I began my new life.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: Anything you recognise belongs to Stephenie Meyer, I just mess around with it.**

**A/N: Thanks to anyone who takes the time even to flick through this story. Love it, hate it, or completely indifferent to it, please leave me a review and let me know, and I hope you enjoy. **

**Chapter Two**

It was half past two in the morning and I was wide awake.

My body was still running on Phoenix time, and was loudly protesting to me that it was still only 7:30 in the evening, and I had no right to be in bed, and I sure as hell wasn't going to be getting some sleep any time soon.

I had long since given up lying in my bed, staring up dejectedly at the ceiling, and had instead taken up pacing around the empty house, wrapped up in a ratty fleece I had had for a year or so too long. I had thought Forks was cold- England was something else entirely, and that something was freaking freezing.

There was a manual for new students somewhere in the house that explained how to work the heating, but it was too cold and too dark for me to summon the energy to even attempt to figure it out. I would sort it out tomorrow.

The manual had also included a map of the city and various useful phone number and directions to convenient places nearby. Jacob and I had got bored of unpacking after only about twenty minutes, and he had said he wanted to see around town quickly, stretch his legs a little before he had to leave again. Jacob, who had flown across the world with me just so I wouldn't be alone, who had to endure a 10 hour flight just to have a few short hours on English soil before he had to take another equally long flight back home. How could I refuse him what he wanted after all he had done for me?

We had done a ridiculous amount of research before I came here, of course. Jacob and I spent hours on my laptop, desperate for every little snippet of information about Oxford and how I would be able to survive there. We had done it so comprehensively that we were both pretty well educated about the city, and despite the fact we'd never been there before, knew our way around.

Though I recognised the streets from the maps I had poured over, nothing could have prepared me for the beauty of the place. It was so calming, had such a relaxing aura around it, and was positively brimming with life. I wondered if I was just seeing the place through rose tinted spectacles until Jacob had confirmed my thoughts by whispering to me in an awed tone: "It's so beautiful here, Bella."

We walked arm in arm to the supermarket that was suggested to us quietly, both of us more than a little overwhelmed.

I hugged my knees to my chest as I remembered saying goodbye to Jake. He was getting a taxi to the airport; he would be leaving me here in the house for the night.

I hadn't known if I'd been able to let go of him. This was the goodbye I had been dreading the most- my mother and father were all grown up, and while it hurt to leave them, I knew they would be able to look after themselves. They were both settled and had lives to live. But Jacob and my life were intertwined so much- if it had been Jacob leaving me in Forks to move to a different continent, I knew for a fact I would never be able to cope. The fact that Jacob dealt with it so maturely and selflessly was testimony to the fact that he was, in so many ways, a far better person than I was, or would ever be able to be.

"Don't you dare cry, Bella," he had growled gruffly in my ear, and I could tell he was fighting back tears of his own. The taxi parked outside beeped its horn again, impatiently. I squeezed my arms tighter around Jacob's waist.

"I love you," I murmured. "I'll miss you. Let me know when you get home."

"I will," he promised, still not letting go of me. He took my face in his large, strong hands and tilted my chin so I had no option other than to look him directly in his chocolate eyes. "You're going to have an incredible time here, and I'm so proud of you Bella. I love you."

I didn't even try to speak, just nodded as the tears thickly trickled down my cheek. Jacob kissed me softly on the mouth, and then turned. I watched as Jacob climbed into the taxi. I stood at the door of the place that was now my home, watching and blowing kisses as I watched Jacob, my old home, my old life, turn its back and drive away from me. Or was I turning my back on it? I didn't really know and it hurt my head to think about it.

I wasn't crying now. I wasn't sad- I knew this was what I wanted and I was excited, really excited, to start this new part of my life. I also had a knot, deep in the pit of my stomach that felt like the size of a brick and was twisting around constantly, nauseating me with nerves, but I supposed being nervous was part of the whole experience. The expectancy of what was to come.

I found myself in the smallest bedroom in the whole house, even smaller than mine. It was painted a soft, calming baby blue, the majority of the space taken up by a desk larger than the one in my room, which seemed odd, considering the size of the room in ratio to the desk. The bed in here was also a strange size, as if it was designed for one and a half people. There were no shelves in here, just a little cupboard and a television perched at the far end of the desk. And for some reason, it had become my favourite room in the house.

I led on the mattress, plucking a feather from the duvet absentmindedly. Tomorrow, there would be someone else living in this room, sleeping in this room. I wondered if they would be kind, funny, quiet, male or female, studying English, Math, maybe Philosophy. I felt a pang of jealousy for the person who would get to sleep in this room- I already felt a little possessive of it.

"It's not yours," I muttered, dragging myself out of the room and up the stairs into my own room. I had pretty much unpacked everything, having been at a bit of a loose end after Jake had left. My room was pretty much spotless- that would never last long.

For the first time I noticed the large black leather bag that had been Jacob's hand luggage for the flight. What an idiot! He had left it behind!

I dug my hand in the pockets of my sweatpants, pulling out my mobile phone. Before I could punch in the digits of Jacob's number which I had committed to memory, I remembered that Jacob would still be on the plane home right now. I could picture him perfectly; sitting bolt upright in his seat, eyebrows knitted together fiercely, gripping the arms rests in his strong arms so tightly his knuckles would be glowing white.

Jacob loved machines- he was fascinated, borderline obsessed, with cars, planes, boats- anything that cost too much money and travelled too fast. When it came to riding in these things, it was a whole different story. Jacob was perfectly content to ride his motorbike at a disgustingly fast speed, race my truck around bends it was not capable of making, but when someone _else _was in charge of driving, and he was demoted to passenger... well, he became a wreck. He freaked out enough when I drove him around in my truck, never mind being completely at the mercy to a pilot he didn't know flying a tonne of metal through the air at hundreds of miles an hour.

On the flight here, I had gripped his hand tightly in mine to try and keep him calm, not protesting when he squeezed so hard I thought he'd broken my knuckle, and mostly resisting the urge to tease him for his fears. After all, Jacob had spent years catching spiders for me with minimum ribbing. But I wasn't there to hold his hand tonight, and I felt a pang of guilt that he had put himself through all of this for me.

Without really thinking about what I was doing, I unzipped Jacob's bag. He hadn't touched his hand luggage for the entire flight here, but I'd been in mine constantly, searching for books, a bottle of water, a pillow. My fingers tightened around a piece of paper and I pulled it out. It was a little white envelope with my name scrawled across it in Jacob's familiar scruffy handwriting.

_Bella, Everything in this bag is for you to keep- but you're not keeping the bag. It's my favourite and it's sacrifice enough to leave it here for you. Hope these things remind you of home. I love you. Jake x_

Heart hammering, I tipped the contents of the bag on to my bed. A maroon jumper of Jacob's... a box of my favourite cereal only available in America... a collection of brand new DVDs... a couple of shiny books. I recognised some of my favourite titles that I had been unable to fit in my luggage here. While all of these made me smile, I could not take my eyes away from a large frame. I picked it up, and gasped in delight as I saw it. It was a collage, beautifully, perfectly done, of pictures of me- me with my arms wrapped around Charlie, me being kissed on the forehead by Jacob, me as a little girl clutching an ice-cream, me and Angela messing around in a mall, me on the back of Jacob's motorbike looking like I was about to puke, me linking arms with Tyler and Ben, me as a baby in Renee's arms, me and Jacob laughing at nothing in his garage, me on my tip toes trying to grab my graduation cap out of Jacob's hands, a picture of me asleep on a couch with my cat curled on my lap, me at the wheel of the truck with Jacob in the passenger seat, grimacing, me winking cheekily at the camera as I dished out a meal in my kitchen, me and Jacob dancing at prom, me sat next to Billy fishing, a grumpy expression on my face. Each image carried with it a memory, a piece of home, of the people who made me who I was.

Blinking back happy tears, I flipped the frame over. There was a small Post-It note affixed to it.

_Stick this up on your wall so you don't feel so alone. And more importantly, so you don't have the chance to forget about us, not even for one second (especially me. I still love you. Jake x_

There was a card, an overly large, overly cheesy "Bon Voyage" scrawled on the front of it. I read the messages from my family, from my friends.

_Bella, I'll miss you so much honey. Make sure you Skype me all the time. And don't drink too much, and behave yourself. Good luck! You'll do amazingly. So proud. I love you. Mommy xxx_

_Good luck Bella! I can't believe how brave you are. I'm sure you'll have a fantastic time and do so well- you always do! I'll miss you lots, Angela xxx_

It appeared an argument had erupted on the card. Jacob's original message read:

_Good luck Bell, not that you need it you brain box. I'll think of you every second of the day and you better ring me all the time!_

Underneath it, Charlie had scrawled _not while I'm paying her phone bill you won't._

I snorted with laughter, and saw Jacob had added in smaller, grumpier letters, _Fine. Skype me then. Love you._

I read the well wishes, the messages of love and affection from all the people that made up the photos that had made up my life. I couldn't move for a few minutes, I just simply stared and smiled goofily at nothing.

When I pulled myself back into the present moment, the first thing I did was pull my phone out again. I typed the words into the phone ferociously quickly, as if they were erupting from somewhere deep inside of me and on to my fingers. _Jacob Black, I just got your little surprise parcel. You're the best friend a person can ever have, I love it so much. It's perfect, just what I needed. I'm going to put the pictures up right now this second and look at them every night. I can't even come up with a sarcastic comment, I don't even want to. Thank you, thank you, thank you for this and for everything. Fly safely, I love you._

I stood on my bed and attached the frame to the wall, looking through the photos again and smiling at each memory. The one that held my attention for the longest was the one of Jake and I dancing. I had never seen that photo before- I had no idea who had taken it. I hadn't really wanted to go to prom- I was a terrible dancer and found the whole thing a bit clichéd and embarrassing. Jacob didn't even go to the same school as me, so it wasn't like he could force me to go- surprisingly it had been Charlie who had insisted I went.

"When are you going to get your prom dress then, Bells?" he had asked one evening over a dinner of fish pie.

"I'm not going to the prom Dad," I reminded him.

"Oh, quit being such a baby about it Bella, of course you're going." I had raised my eyebrows at him, wondering why he was being so insistent about this. Charlie was normally pretty laid back about everything- a trait I had inherited from him.

"Why do you care so much all of a sudden?"

Charlie had sighed and an awkward silence fell as he pushed a prawn around his plate. "I just thought... this is the last big event you have before you go over to Oxford. The last part of your childhood here in Forks, and I just wanted to see my little girl all beautiful and happy for prom before you... before you leave." He had stopped talking and I had the suspicion he was unable to keep going. His comments didn't make me emotional, just exasperated.

"Oh God, Dad, if it means that much to you, I'll go," I rolled my eyes. It wouldn't be that bad, I told myself, just me in a pretty dress and Jacob in a handsome suit and all my friends dolled up dancing around, and if Charlie cared about it that much... well I guess I could endure it.

And it had been a good night, I reminded myself. I had picked out a coral dress from Port Angeles that made me look a little slimmer and my hair a little richer than it actually was. Jacob had looked fantastic and told me I was so beautiful and given me a corsage the exact red of my truck (he couldn't exactly have given me a flower that matched my eyes, as I would have ended up with something resembling mud). Charlie had been bleary eyed and taken so many photos in all of the typical (and embarrassing) places. Neither Jacob nor I had exactly been great dancers, but we laughed as we stepped on each other's toes and I tripped over my feet more than once in the stupid heels that Angela had promised me were so perfect they were worth the pain. We had eaten a nice dinner, drank champagne, and I felt bad for viewing the prom as some ridiculous ordeal. Then we had gone back to the hotel we had paid for and made love and I wished more than anything I could fall in love with Jacob, after this perfect night with the perfect boy that made me so happy, and then got frustrated that I just couldn't.

"I love you," he whispered in my ear that night as we were falling asleep.

"Me too," I said.

"But not the same," he murmured.

"No, but I wish it was," I replied.

"Me too," he had said, and I had held his hand as we fell asleep.

I sighed and tore myself out of the memory. What time was it? Half past 3? I suddenly felt a wave of exhaustion, and decided to capitalise on it. I pulled Orange out of his hiding place under my bed, and collapsed on my bed, falling asleep within minutes.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: Anything you recognise belongs to Stephenie Meyer, I just play around with the characters she created. **

**Chapter Three**

I woke up slowly, disorientated, and for a moment I had no clue where I was.

And then it hit me. I was in a weirdly shaped bed, in student accommodation, in Oxford, in England, on the other side of the world from my home, and all alone.

Light was streaming unapologetically into my room, and I realised with some annoyance I had forgotten to shut the curtains the night before. I scrambled around a bit to find my phone to see it was almost 11 o'clock in the morning- body time 4 am. I could easily have slammed the curtains shut and fallen straight back asleep, but I knew the rest of my housemates would be arriving very soon, and being unconscious wouldn't make the best first impression. So, with a groan, I dragged myself into the shower and went through the routine required to make myself presentable.

There were only two rooms on the very top floor of the house, my bedroom, and a bathroom. There were 3 other bathrooms spread out across the house, and I supposed I was very lucky to have a bathroom, effectively, to myself. That said, I didn't want anyone to think I was greedy, so I planned to make it blatantly obvious that the bathroom was open to one and all, although the thought of having my own personal space was so delicious that the intentions were half assed at best even as I formulated them in my mind.

An hour later, I was showered, my hair clean and dried and cascading down my back in mahogany waves. I had carefully applied enough make-up to alleviate the eye bags jet lag had so generously gifted me, and was wearing a pair of navy skinny jeans and a pale pink blouse. I also had a thick woolly cardigan wrapped around me, as it was still absolutely freezing and I was unable to figure out how the hell the heating worked. I had made a lot more effort than I would have normally, keen for my new housemates not to think of me as a scruff.

I was sat on a counter in the kitchen, a strong cup of coffee clutched tightly in my hands. The kitchen was by far the largest room in the house, and doubled up as a dining room with a large and beautiful wooden table at the far end of the room. The table was by far the most decorative and interesting part of the whole house so far- the only thing that showed any real character.

The numerous cabinets in the kitchen were empty apart from the small amount of food Jacob and I had purchased the day before. Whilst in the supermarket, I'd decided to suck up to my new housemates by buying a pretty substantial amount of alcohol.

"Is this all for you?" Jacob had asked as I ordered him to lift a crate of wine into the shopping cart.

"Yeah, I reckon it'll last me the night, don't you?" I joked.

"Hmm, an alcoholic like you? No way." He teased back. One of the things that had excited Jake the most about me moving to England was, a little pathetically, that I would be legal to drink. He was absolutely fascinated with the idea of Fresher's week- I think he was pretty tempted to tag along with me for the week, maybe even attempt to enrol at university.

We had drank from time to time in Forks of course- a couple of glasses of wine to celebrate something, a few shots before a party, Jacob often had a beer when he watched a game with our Dads, but I'd never drunk to the extent I'd read about taking place during Fresher's week.

I wondered when people would start arriving. I wasn't even nervous about meeting people anymore, just bored. I didn't even care if the next person to walk in through that door was an evil bitch; I just needed some human company in any form. And, even though it was lighter and warmer in the house now, I was still a bit creeped out about being in a four storey, old house all by myself.

I wandered out of the kitchen to stand in the doorway and peered through the window. I almost had a heart attack when a human face popped into my eye line, a mere few metres from the door.

Excitement overtaken any lingering nerves, I threw open the door to greet the first arrival. I took in a girl who was very tall and slim- she basically had the figure of a very slim boy, as she was so slender and shapeless, and subtly muscled. Her skin was tanned in a very natural way, and her shoulder length black hair was unkempt but still managed to frame her face perfectly. She had very intense brown eyes and a slightly pinched facial expression, like she was in pain. She had a massive rucksack on her back, and to my surprise, had no family members with her to help her settle in.

"Hey!" I greeted her, a little over enthusiastically. She smiled at me- I wasn't sure if she was smirking or smiling politely. As she stepped into the doorway, I asked, "Do you need any help with that bag?" She looked at me, her eyebrows raised. Her face expressed what her mouth did not need to say- there was no way I could help her, as strong as she looked, and as small and weak as I was. I laughed, awkwardly.

"I'm Bella," I introduced myself, shaking her hand.

"Leah," she replied, curtly. "So, where am I sleeping anyway?"

Refusing to be put out by her less than friendly reaction to me, I led her over to the sheet of paper on the dining room table that gave us our assigned rooms. Leah glanced at the paper, then threw her backpack on the floor unceremoniously and sank down in to a chair around the table.

"How long have you been here anyway?" she asked.

"Uh, I got here yesterday. International students arrive 24 hours before everyone else, I think."

"Where are you from?" she seemed to have mellowed out a little bit, the original scepticism and confrontation fading from her.

"Forks, in Washington?" She nodded, showing she knew where I meant.

"Wow, that's a long way to come. What have you come to this shit hole for?" she barked out a laugh.

"What, Oxford?" I enquired, taken aback. I hadn't been here very long, but I already loved the place and found it both fascinating and beautiful. I felt almost defensive of it.

She shrugged her slender shoulders. "You know, England in general." She coughed out another laugh.

"Oh, well, y'know. New beginnings, fresh start and all those clichés." Now it was my turn to shrug. "Plus, I think it's pretty beautiful here."

"Yeah, I guess if you're going to leave America for England, Oxford is a pretty decent place to come," she replied.

"Where are you from, anyway?" I asked.

"London," she replied quietly. London fascinated me as well- big cities would be of massive interest to anyone who had spent the last few years of their lives in a town as quiet as Forks.

I spoke to Leah for awhile, and found out that she was studying Law. She made it clear to me that this was not as a copout option, which she informed me was the reason most people ended up taking Law, because they felt they should. She spoke so passionately about it; it made me a little uneasy. I liked Leah, she was interesting, but she was quite cold and distant, but when she talked about studying Law, she became a whole new person, animated, excited. I wished I had the same passion for psychology.

Our conversation ended abruptly when we heard a high pitched girl's voice shrieking from outside the house.

"That would be my cue to leave," Leah muttered, jumping from her chair to retrieve her backpack. "Enjoy the welcome party." She sloped out of the room quickly, leaving me alone to greet the screaming girl.

I felt my jaw literally fall open when I saw the girl making all the noise. She was tall and slim like Leah, but her body was extremely womanly. She had curves that made my own boyish body feel incredibly envious, and long, straight strawberry blonde hair that was reflecting the light to perfection. Her skin was tanned and she had a scattering of freckles across her nose, and bright cornflower blue eyes. She was absolutely beautiful.

She was arm in arm with a man who I assumed was her father, older but still attractive, a proud smile on his face. Her arms were empty, but she was stood next to two strapping boys who were both laid down with bright pink luggage. She rushed forward to greet me, embracing me in a tight hug.

"Hi! I'm Tanya; it's so nice to meet you." This greeting was so very different to the one I had from Leah that I was momentarily speechless. This girl was the literal opposite of everything Leah was- she was completely unreserved, flamboyant, clearly spoilt, but she was full of life and fun whereas Leah seemed almost listless and resigned. It was almost as if Leah had sensed this girl was not someone she was going to get on with before making her escape.

"I'm Bella," I said, when I had found my voice. "It's great to meet you too!"

"Your accent is incredible," she said, eyes wide in admiration. "What part of America are you from?"

"Washington," I replied. She seemed to lose a little bit of interest, probably wishing I was from somewhere cooler or better known, like Los Angeles or New York. "But I was brought up in Phoenix," I offered, as an olive branch.

"God, you're so lucky," she laughed. "Why on earth have you come to a place where the sun never shines?" The sun was shining precisely at that moment, but I didn't point this out, just smiled softly as an answer.

"Where am I putting all of your shit, Tanya?" asked one of the boys, laden down with two massive suitcases. How much stuff had this girl brought?

"There's a piece of paper on the table that tells you where your room is," I suggested. Tanya danced over to the table, seized the paper.

"Third room across on the second floor if you don't mind boys," she winked. I knew that was the room next to Leah- I could already picture her delight. The two boys and the man I presumed was Tanya's father sloped off up the stairs.

Tanya was flitting around the kitchen, peering in all the cupboards. "God there's not much food here... ooh!" she shrieked, when she discovered the cupboard full of alcohol. "Did you buy all this?"

I nodded bashfully.

Tanya shrieked and hugged me again. Clearly this was a girl who found no issues in massively invading stranger's personal space, but I was so keyed up that I didn't really mind. "You're a star, Bella, honestly, bless you." Tanya's entourage appeared in the kitchen. "Right, no offence boys, but you can clear off now, I don't want you cramping my style when everyone else gets here." She embraced the two boys, and kissed the older man on his forehead.

"Good luck baby," murmured the old man. "Make sure you ring me and let me know how everything's going." Tanya waved a dismissive hand in his general direction.

"Be good," warned the taller of the two boys. Tanya just laughed.

When they had left, I whispered, "Who were they?"

"Oh, the older man's my husband, and the younger two are my step-sons." Tanya took in the look of horror on my face and burst out laughing. "Oh my God, I'm kidding Bella. They were my Dad and my brothers."

I laughed, a little unsurely. To be honest, it wouldn't have surprised me that much if the old man _was _Tanya's husband. She seemed the type. I supposed that was a little unfair. "Do you need any help unpacking?" I offered.

"Nah. I'll do it later, I can't be arsed. Are we the only ones here?"

"No, there's another girl, Leah, upstairs," I offered.

"What's she like?" enquired Tanya, still dancing around the kitchen hyperactively. She seemed incapable of staying still.

"Nice. A bit quiet," was all I said, not wanting to slag Leah off.

"Boring!" Tanya rolled her eyes. I found it hard to believe that Tanya was actually going to be a student at one of the most prestigious universities in the world- she seemed so carefree and over the top, completely flippant. "So, Bella, tell me all about yourself."

"What do you want to know?" I shrugged, a little uncomfortable.

"Well, what are you studying?" she asked.

"Psychology. You?"

"Maths." I felt my eyebrows rise sceptically in spite of myself. Instead of being offended, Tanya burst into laughter again. "I know, I know, I come across as an idiotic ditzy blonde, but I promise you, I'm quite smart really."

"You must be," I said.

"I hope everyone's not a bore here," Tanya said. "All my friends said I was mad to come here, that everyone would be working all the time and never want to go out. You're not going to be like that, are you?"

"Maybe a bit," I admitted, thinking of how hard a slog university was inevitably going to be at times. "But I plan to enjoy myself as well."

"Good to hear it," Tanya snorted. "Do you think it's a bit too early to start drinking?"

People arrived at almost perfect twenty minute intervals from then. Not many of them made much of an impression on me yet, as I briefly introduced myself before the majority of them disappeared upstairs with their families to unpack and settle in. There was Eric, a smartly dressed Asian boy who was so skinny it was almost painful to look at him, who told me he was studying Physics, which instantly made me respect him, as I thought Physics was the hardest thing in the whole world. Then there was Victoria, a pretty red head studying Theology, Jessica, who was studying archaeology, Sam, who reminded me of Jacob due to his enormous stature, Lauren, who made almost no impression on me, James, who had such an intense gaze that it scared me shitless, and Jasper, a very attractive blonde boy who was doing Psychology, like me.

Tanya seemed to have taken a shine to me. I got the impression that she didn't find it hard making friends, and as she was so beautiful and flamboyant, I felt almost grateful that she had taken any interest in me. While everyone else unpacked, we spent most of the afternoon in my bedroom, getting to know each other.

Everything got a bit more exciting around half past three, when the remaining three housemates arrived practically on top of each other.

"Good God, I hope they want to do something other than unpack," Tanya muttered to me as we rushed downstairs to greet them.

The first boy was tall and attractive in a very obvious and self-confident way. He was a little bit baby-faced, with very carefully arranged blonde hair, and he was dressed head to foot in designer clothes. He was muscled up, but not like Jacob, whose muscles were a result of hours of work in a garage, but in a vain way, as if he had worked very hard to get them purely to make himself look more attractive.

"Hey girls," the boy greeted. He was smiling a little too broadly at Tanya, and I couldn't say I blamed him- she was nothing short of stunning, it was hard to take your eyes off of her. "I'm Mike."

Almost as if she couldn't help it, Tanya swept him into an embrace. "Tanya," she introduced herself. "And that's Bella."

"Hey," I waved. Mike went off to find his bedroom, his mother and father, groomed within an inch of their life and clearly _very _wealthy, in tow, and as soon as they left, another girl arrived. The girl was so small that at first I thought she must be someone's little sister. She was absolutely tiny, she had to be under 5 foot, and so petite she was almost breakable. She had rich dark brown hair cut in a pixie crop and her clothes were beautiful, not in an overly expensive or try-hard way, they just suited her perfectly. She was very pretty.

She was excitable, but not quite as exuberant as Tanya. "I'm Alice," she chirped, embracing me in a hug as we went through the usual introductions. Tanya seemed to warm to Alice instantly.

"I sincerely hope you're not going to spend all evening unpacking," Tanya complained.

"No way!" Alice laughed. "I'm expecting big things from my first night."

"Oh thank God," said Tanya. They continued their conversation, but I stopped listening. I thought I might have been going into shock. I was literally frozen in place, could hear nothing, and could see nothing apart from the boy who was walking towards me.

Oh my God, he was so_ pretty._

There was no other word for it; he was the prettiest boy I had ever seen. Very tall and slim with bronze hair that was a little messy, like he'd just rolled out of bed, and warm green eyes so beautiful I felt like I was melting. I realised with some embarrassment that my mouth was hanging open a little bit, and I quickly slammed it shut. _Come on Bella, get a grip_, I thought.

"Wow," I heard Tanya whisper next to me, her eyes locked on the boy as well. I felt a wave of jealousy so acute I was tempted to growl at her, but I bit it back, realising I didn't even know this boy.

He was carrying one medium sized bag of luggage, and had a shorter, older woman next to her who was very pretty. _She must be his Mom, _I chanted in my head, _stay calm._

Somehow or other, I managed to tear my eyes away from him as he walked in the door. Tanya, who wasn't quite as keen as me to be discreet, had already wrapped her pretty little arms around him.

"Hi, I'm Tanya," she purred in his ear.

"Edward," he replied, his facial expression so taken aback that I couldn't help but snort. He made eye contact with me, and raised his eyebrows, a slight smile forming on his beautiful face. I thought I had melted into a puddle on the spot, but apparently I was still a solid being, and was even capable of adjusting my face into an "I know, right" expression.

Tanya reluctantly let go of Edward to introduce herself to the woman I was desperately hoping was his mother.

"I'm Esme, Edward's mum," came the pretty woman's response, and I was so grateful I could have burst into song.

"It's okay, Mum, you don't have to help me unpack," Edward said to his mother. "You should probably be getting back." He didn't speak to her in a dismissive way, in fact his voice swelled with respect and kindness towards her. Gorgeous _and _respectful to women? This boy was perfect...

The two said their goodbyes, and I made a conscious effort not to goggle Edward anymore. I drifted into the kitchen with Alice, dithering slightly. I could hear Tanya's silky voice as she chatted to Edward, no doubt flirting with him. I didn't know Tanya all that well, but I already had the feeling that what Tanya wanted, she got with the minimum of effort. This wouldn't have bothered me normally, but I couldn't help feeling resentful of the fact she may well be sinking her claws into Edward already. _You don't even know him; _my annoying mental voice reminded me.

"Oh, poor you Bella, all alone on the top floor!" Alice exclaimed, consulting the house plan.

"Oh, it's okay. I don't mind. A bit of privacy, you know?"

"Yes, I can imagine you might need some of that in here." Alice dropped her voice a little. "Tanya's very... highly strung isn't she?"

I laughed. "That's putting it mildly. She's a nice girl though."

Alice nodded. "I'm going to go get settled, then. I won't be long."

"Need any help?" I offered. Everyone had refused my help so far, and I was beginning to feel a bit useless.

She shook her head. "I'm not going to do a full unpack yet, too much effort, just find the essentials for tonight." She winked at me and danced lithely out of the room. She was so graceful- it was enchanting.

Edward and Tanya came into the kitchen, Tanya talking a mile to the dozen. Edward smiled at me again, lazily.

"Hi, I'm Edward." He held out his hand for me like a good English gentleman. His voice was very posh; he had a very distinct British accent. It just added to his sex appeal as far as I was concerned.

"Bella," I replied, managing to shake his hand back instead of screeching like I wanted to. He read his room arrangement, and I read over his shoulder. I couldn't help myself from blurting out, "Oh! You're in my favourite room." As soon as the words rushed out, I blushed violently.

He raised an eyebrow at me enquiringly. "Umm, I was here alone last night, so I kind of checked out all the rooms. Yours has a nice... aura." I finished lamely. He grinned. "It's the smallest one in the house, though," I continued, willing myself to shut up.

"That doesn't really bother me," he said. "Especially if it's the nicest bedroom in the house, I can probably see past that." He was teasing me. Go on, say something witty back Bella. No? I couldn't manage it. I just grinned foolishly at him instead.

"Do you need any help unpacking?" I asked, again wondering why I didn't just shut up and act slightly cooler than I was at the moment. I expected him to shut me down immediately, this strange, American girl who said his room had a nice aura and grinned at him like a love sick puppy.

"That would be great," he said, surprising me massively.

"Cool, we'll both help you," Tanya smiled, linking his arm and pulling him out of the room. I followed after them like a lame shadow.

England just got a whole lot more exciting.

**A/N: Thank you for reading! I promise this is going to get much more exciting, just a lot of scene-setting needed first. Please press the review button and let me know your opinion!**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: As usual, I own nothing and don't pretend to.**

**Thanks for taking the time to read this- and if you **_**really **_**want to impress me, you could even review. Just a suggestion. x**

**Chapter Four**

_Holy fuck._

Is this what it felt like to die?

It felt like my heart was beating, no, not beating, _pounding _in my head, reverberating around my skull. I opened my eyes groggily and groaned softly as my still unfamiliar bedroom spun around me, causing me to hastily close my eyes again.

My memories of the previous night were hazy to say the least. I vaguely remembered Tanya exuberantly opening a bottle of vodka, the thought of which now made my stomach churn and my teeth clench involuntarily. There had been laughing, _lots _of drinking, dancing... I burst out laughing as I remembered Eric, who had turned out to be exceptionally funny, introducing me to the "funky chicken" dance...

Without warning, my bedroom door banged open. I opened my eyes again to see Alice beaming at me, dressed in a pair of leggings and a vest.

"Come on Bella, get up, I want to go to the gym." Alice's voice was impossibly cheerful and bright. I completely ignored her, groaning again and rolling over to my other side so I didn't have to look at her.

She wasn't going to go down without a fight though. She slid in the bed next to me- the damn bed that was big enough for approximately one and a half people. Alice was roughly half a person, and fit beside me perfectly. The first sign the bed was going to be a curse.

"You're not getting away with it that easily," Alice sang, seemingly oblivious to the fact that every word she spoke felt like a gunshot in my brain.

"Alice. Leave. Now." I growled.

Alice just laughed. Clearly I wasn't intimidating her. "I brought you some water..." she said.

With a sigh, I rolled over to face her, holding my hand out for the bottle of water. My throat was impossibly dry. I chugged the whole thing in a matter of seconds. Alice looked at me expectantly.

"Thank you," I eventually said through clenched teeth. Realising she wasn't going anywhere, I sat up a little, leaning against the headboard of my bed. The room span for a few seconds, but then righted itself. My head still throbbed, but I was able of having some functional thoughts at least.

"It's midday, you know," Alice informed me, her tone almost scolding. I had to admit, I was surprised at that. I felt so tired I thought it was about half past six.

"I'm jetlagged," I mumbled, wrapping my quilt around me.

"And hung-over," Alice smirked.

"And that," I admitted, massaging my temples with my hands. "So why aren't you wrapped up in your bed in a world of pain?"

"Some of us know how to pace ourselves," she said, smugly. "While all of you maniacs were drinking like you'd never seen alcohol before I was taking it _slowly. _We have a whole week of this, you know. And then_ years _of being students." I groaned at the thought of ever seeing another bottle of wine again. "Hey, if you think you're bad, you should see Tanya. She's spent the last four hours wrapped around the downstairs toilet. And she's _much_ more upbeat than you."

I was not envious of Tanya at that moment. The headache and dizziness were bad, but there was no real nausea. Being sick was not something I enjoyed.

"To be honest, I have the feeling Tanya gets herself into a mess rather a lot," Alice mused. I didn't get involved in her thoughts, praying she would just stop talking or go away or do both. "She was a seasoned pro at upchucking with a smile on her face."

"Please shut up Alice," I complained.

"You're not getting any sympathy from me," she beamed. "This is self-inflicted you know." I didn't even dignify her comments with a response, just flicked a hand lazily at her face. "Aw, come on Bella, I'm so bored. Everyone else is just monged out."

"Monged out?" I asked, raising my eyebrows at the funny expression.

"Yeah... you know. Like hanging. Lying in hung-over puddles of self pity and despair, being completely unresponsive, when I want to go for a walk around campus and figure out where the gym is." Alice pouted, looking pathetically miserable. "A bit of fresh air will do you good, Bella." She looked so pitiful that I couldn't help the next words that came out of my mouth.

"Give me half an hour," I said, bitterly regretting speaking the moment the words came out of my mouth. I was always a sucker for a pout.

"Yay!" Alice exclaimed, giving me an awkward hug considering the positioning of us in my bed. "Bella, you're my favourite already."

Not really caring at that moment whether I was Alice's favourite or not, I rolled unsteadily out of my bed and stomped into the shower, leaving a beaming Alice sat on my bed.

33 minutes later, after a hot shower that had removed the majority of sweat and last night's make up from my face and body, I was bundled up in a duffle coat and scarf and walking around the campus with a highly over enthusiastic Alice.

"Alice, I'm still a little hazy about the finer points of last night. Could you possibly expand on what happened?"

Alice giggled. I had known this girl for less than 24 hours, but I already felt surprisingly at ease around her. She was just so... _loveable. _A little annoying, sure, but her enthusiasm was more than a little infectious. "Oh Bella, you were an absolute embarrassment."

"Really?" I gasped, horrified, feeling my face flush thunderously.

"No," she giggled sneakily, snaking her arm through mine. "You are actually a pretty chilled out drunk. You were fun, but not embarrassing, and you didn't talk complete nonsense, which is something. I was impressed. Tanya on the other hand... oh my God. She is _all over the place. _The boys literally did not know what had hit them."

"I bet they loved that," I murmured, thinking of how absolutely gorgeous Tanya had looked the previous night, dressed in a pale pink body con dress.

"Most of them did," Alice conceded. "But she's such a tease, she had Mike exactly where she wanted him, and then she just disappeared."

"Of course she did," I laughed. "She's a seasoned professional." That much was obvious. As Alice had said, it was clear Tanya was no stranger to the party scene. That girl took shots like a pro, danced like a champion and flirted like a top model.

I had passed her in the toilet on the way out for my walk with Alice, and she had been cheerfully propped up against the bath, looking dishevelled but beautiful, her make-up still immaculate on her face but her hair scraped up into a ponytail.

"Good morning!" she greeted me cheerily.

"You alright in there?" I asked. Tanya just laughed.

"Hold on a minute," she said, twisting away from me to vomit into the toilet bowl. I had no idea how she managed to stay so cheerful while literally in the process of being sick, and it was as impressive as it was terrifying. I had bailed quickly, feeling my sensitive stomach twisting.

"She just messes with most of the boys though. She was properly trying with Edward though..." Alice's voice was light, seemingly not noticing the fact I had tensed up next to her.

"Really?" I asked, trying to make my tone match hers, uncaring and unconcerned.

"Yeah, but he clearly wasn't interested. To be honest, I thought if anyone was going to get in on last night, it would have been _you _and Edward..." Alice's voice trailed off as I stared at her, my mouth hanging open.

"Why would you think that?" I asked, jamming my mouth shut rapidly and attempting to sound blasé.

"You just seemed to be having very in-depth conversations," Alice said, eyeing me sceptically. I had a flashback of the night before- I was talking passionately about something to Edward, I seemed to be flailing my hands around a lot, as I often did when I was agitated and trying to express myself. I couldn't remember the nature of my conversation- I probably didn't want to, but I remember my thought process- a mixture of _oh my God this boy is so beautiful I think I might die _and _be cool, Bella, be cool, don't dribble, come on, say something interesting. _"And the only time he seemed properly engaged was when he talked to you."

"Really?" I repeated, unable to keep the excitement out of my voice this time. We both laughed.

"Really," Alice promised with a wink. "So you didn't... hook up then?"

"No!" I snorted. "I wish," I added, wistfully.

"Well Bella you've got a whole year to sort that out." I rolled my eyes at that. As if someone as handsome and intelligent as Edward would want someone like me.

"I'm tired of discussing my exploits, what else happened last night?" I asked.

Alice recounted the previous night's events with me, and I joined in with raucous laughter as her words jogged my own memories. Leah had argued with practically everyone, especially Mike, who she had engaged in a massive, drunken debate. It turned out Mike was studying Law also, and for some reason, this made Leah see red. In her opinion, Mike was the stereotypical student of Law- in her own words; he didn't really care about "the search for justice", he was just a wealthy, private-educated fool who saw becoming a lawyer as part of their plans for a "perfect life". To be fair, I could kind of see her point- Mike was pretty much exactly what she envisioned, but there was no need to say it out loud, especially on the first night when she didn't even known him properly.

"She has a lot of opinions, does Leah," I said.

"And not a lot of restraint either," Alice added. "Well, at least she'll be interesting. Unlike Jessica and Lauren." Jessica and Lauren had looked down their noses at us as we all got drunk and had a good time- I could tell the idea of us having fun was offensive to them. They had gone up to their rooms at about 9 o'clock and not been seen for the rest of the night.

"Yeah, what do you reckon that was about?" I asked.

"They're just snobs," she shrugged. "They're too scared to enjoy themselves. You don't have to get shit-faced to have fun... I didn't. I think the idea of letting their hair down is morally offensive to them or something."

I snorted. "God, it's only the second day. Let's not be too harsh, we really don't even know anyone yet."

"How true. I could turn out to be an evil psychopath escaped from prison. Or a man in drag, or something." I laughed loudly again. I had to admit, I was glad Alice had forced me out of bed. The fresh air, stupid conversation and laughter had cleared my head and made me feel much more alive.

"I sincerely hope not," I said. "You're too good company to fuck me over just yet."

"Aw Bella, you look beautiful!" Alice announced, finally relinquishing her grip on the lipstick she held poised in her hand like a deadly weapon.

It was the penultimate night of Fresher's Week and I had survived... just about. After that first harrowing experience of the horrendousness of hangovers, I had managed to drink enough to get myself nicely drunk, but not wasted. Better, because it greatly reduced the chances of me embarrassing myself massively, and also meant I managed to wake up each morning without feeling like I had been thrown off a cliff.

Tanya, of course, got so drunk every night she invariably ended up spending the majority of her mornings in a bathroom, but each evening she was beaming from ear to ear, looking gorgeous and ready to do it all over again. I had no idea how she did it.

The week had progressed nicely, and had served its purpose- I now felt much more acquainted with my housemates, could even consider the majority of them friends, and nearly all of us were now settled and content in our surroundings.

Alice, Tanya and Victoria-, who was deceptively sweet behind her mass of curly red hair, had informed me that they could simply not wait anymore, they _had _to give me a makeover, at least for this one night.

"You've just go so much potential," Alice had whined.

"Don't get me wrong, you've always looked really pretty," Victoria soothed, noticing my bemused and semi-offended expression. "What Alice _means _is that we're going to make you absolutely drop-dead gorgeous."

"Yeah, Bella, you're pretty in your little girl-next-door way, all doe-eyed and bloused, but haven't you ever fancied being a little bit sexier?" Tanya asked, pouting and pulling a seductive pose that just made me roll my eyes. Me, sexy? As if. Although I had to admit, if I was going to trust anyone to make me look better, it would be these three beautiful girls standing in front of me, surveying their handiwork with intensely smug expressions tattooed across their faces.

"Edward won't be able to keep his hands off you tonight," Victoria purred, winking at me. Having got to know Edward past the point of just finding him insanely attractive, I had discovered he was studying medicine- which impressed me immensely, as just the smell of blood was enough to make me pass out, even a paper cut or a nose bleed would set me off. I had also discovered he was extremely intelligent, but not boastful, kind, but not boring, and funny, without being offensive. And yeah, I kind of thought he was absolutely perfect, but we had gotten no further than gentle flirting and interesting conversation- and I sort of liked that. He wasn't all over me, or any other girl, like a starved leech, or like Mike, who, after being rejected by Tanya, had attached himself to me and lunged in for a kiss almost every night. I had pushed him away every time, but that boy had an incredible ego. He just laughed it off every time, found another willing girl, and then tried again the next night, never getting offending by my rejections.

"I'll fight you for him," Tanya winked at me, referring back to Edward. I immediately felt a little prick of jealousy, but I knew Tanya was just messing with me. She was an insanely tactile person, and particularly around Edward, she couldn't seem to keep her hands to herself. But Edward had never shown any emotion stronger than friendship towards her, and I couldn't see Tanya as a real threat- she wasn't _really _interested in Edward, she didn't _feel _anything to him other than attraction, whereas I actually _felt _for the boy- I stopped myself in my tracks. I didn't even know him properly yet! All I felt was interest and undiluted lust. Chill out, Bella.

"Hey Vic, maybe you'll get lucky with James tonight," Tanya suggested.

"No, I'm not even going to acknowledge him tonight," Victoria replied, stoutly. James had already been stereotyped as a bit of a bastard- he was very attractive and had that bad boy quality that seemed to make girls weak at the knees. Victoria was one of those girls, but to be fair to her, she had tried so hard not to make herself an easy target for James, although I knew she would have very much liked to.

"Good, you shouldn't. He's a cocky prick." Alice retorted huffily.

"But that's so sexy..." Victoria argued.

"We definitely lucked out with this dorm," I laughed. Jacob had often teased me, saying that everyone at the university was bound to be a library loving, sun-avoiding, acne-ridden creep- but I was quickly learning that these stereotypes were dead wrong. Everyone in my house was ridiculously intelligent, but that didn't mean they weren't open for fun, hilarious, and interesting people. The boys they had crammed in here- Edward, who was equivalent to God in my eyes, Jasper, brooding, blonde and gorgeous, Sam, tanned and muscular, James, with his dark attraction and intense eyes, Mike, who was far too much of a pretty boy for me but clearly still attractive- even Eric was cute and charming. In fact, the girls here were all beautiful too. Thanks, Oxford Dorm Assignment, way to make a girl feel inadequate.

"Right, we need to go. Bella, take a look at the _sexy _new you." Alice lead me over to the full length mirror Tanya had attached to the wall of her bedroom (which was, incidentally, the biggest bedroom in the house- I wondered if Tanya had bribed someone for it). I frowned at the girl in front of me. She was there in the boring chocolate brown eyes and the full lips, but the rest of her was changed. My hair was curled and massive, my eyebrows groomed into a new shape, my cheekbones accentuated with whatever the hell Tanya, Alice and Victoria kept in their make-up bags. My scrawny body was squeezed into one of Tanya's never ending supply of skin-tight dresses, this one in a dark, rich purple, and I supposed it created the illusion of me having some sort of butt area. Tanya had wanted to cover me in fake tan, but to my delight, Alice had stopped her, telling her that my paleness was all part of my allure.

"What do you think?" asked Victoria. I shrugged, helplessly.

"I don't look like me. I look _weird."_

"Hurry up girls!" Mike squawked from down the stairs, saving me from having to stare at myself in the mirror any longer.

"Right, Bella, you look gorgeous you little shit. Come on; let's get you good and drunk."

It was about half past midnight and we had ended up in the busiest club in Oxford.

I had discovered I wasn't much of a club girl. I wasn't any good at dancing- I certainly couldn't dance like Alice, who was so graceful, or Tanya, whose dancing was so sexy you could practically hear the sounds of boy's eyeballs popping out of their skulls and smacking into the slippery dance floor. There were also a massive amount of boys who could only be likened to praying mantises, intent on nothing more than grinding up against any girl they could get near, and I did not particularly enjoy having a stranger's sweaty hands groping my intimate parts.

I much preferred the pub, where the conversation was so much friendlier, and easier as you didn't have to deal with screaming over pounding disco music. It was much more intimate and much less, well, perverted, than being in a night club.

I had snuck off to the bar alone, leaving Alice dancing with Jasper and Tanya grinding on any delighted boy who came within five metres of her. Mike was dancing with a girl I did not know in a _very _short skirt. Leah, who was in a very good mood that night- she seemed almost bipolar, the amount her moods jumped around, was laughing with Sam, not being much of a dancer herself. Lauren and Jessica had sloped off home already. They were both nice enough, but took themselves far too seriously and didn't seem to have that bond everyone else had established. I burst out laughing as I took in Victoria, who was kissing James passionately- so much for playing it cool.

"Something funny?" murmured a smooth voice in my ear. I swivelled around in the bar stool to see Edward sat in the stool next to me, his expression neutral but a glint in his eye.

"Victoria and James," I pointed them out to him.

"Poor Victoria," he laughed. We both knew she would be heart broken in the morning when James showed no more interest in her. The bar man walked over to us at that moment, asking if we wanted anything.

"Can I get you a drink?" Edward asked.

"You don't have to do that," I said. "I've got money."

"It's honestly fine, I promise," he winked at me, and then, before I could argue, ordered 2 glasses of white wine and paid for them. I rolled my eyes at him, but he just laughed.

"It's really no big deal Bella." He leaned in closely to me, so he could talk in my ear over the too-loud music. His closeness made me tingle in expectation. "Are you enjoying yourself?"

I shrugged. "Yeah, it's fine. I don't think I'm really a club girl though."

"I was thinking the same myself," Edward admitted.

"Okay then Edward, what kind of girl are you?" I asked, cheekily. He burst out laughing as the bar men handed us our drinks.

"I suppose I walked into that one," he shrugged. He leaned in close to me again, making tingles run down my spine as he whispered in my ear, "you look really beautiful tonight, you know."

I pulled a face, and he laughed again. "You're so weird. Any other girl gets told they're beautiful, their delighted. You act like it's a massive insult."

I shrugged. "Sorry, I'm useless with compliments."

"Well, you shouldn't be," he said, matter-of-factly. "Do you want to go and sit in that table in the corner? It looks quieter."

I tried to nod my head in a way that wasn't psychotically enthusiastic, and leaped to my feet, forgetting about the fact that my legs were entwined in my bar stool, and immediately tumbling to the ground.

I felt my ankle twist in the stupid heels Victoria had forced upon me, heard the shattering of my wine glass as my arm smashed into it.

"Well, fuck," I cursed as I smelt the familiar and horrible smell of rust that signified I was bleeding. I felt the room fade around me as the darkness closed in.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: As always, my appreciation for taking the time to read this. **_**Please **_**let me know what you think in a review- I appreciate it more than you know! All errors are my own, and of course, Twilight and all recognisable characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. Much love, and I hope you enjoy!**

**Chapter Five**

I don't think I was really ever unconscious, just floating somewhere above where I really was for 20 seconds or so.

I opened my eyes slowly, still aware of the lingering smell of rust that made me feel so sick. I forced myself to focus on something else other than that pungent aroma- _I am Bella Swan, and I am in a night club in Oxford, and I just made a massive fool out of myself in front of Edward Cullen. _

Edward's face appeared in my vision, his features twisted in concern. "Bella?" he asked. I groaned, and heaved my body off the ground. Edward's long, skinny arms reached out to help me to my feet.

"Hey, is she okay?" I heard the bartender call out. Fortunately, he seemed to be the only person who had noticed my little trip. I didn't hear if Edward answered, and the next thing I knew I was outside, the fresh air clearing my head and removing the smell of blood from my nostrils. Embarrassingly, I was pretty much propped up against Edward's body. I hastily straightened myself as the nausea receded further. For the first time I felt the stabbing pain in my ankle, and I moaned gently.

I lowered myself to the ground, careful to focus my eyes ahead of me, instead of on the blood that covered my hands. Edward crouched down next to me. "Are you alright?" he asked.

I nodded, my face flaming in embarrassment. "Mortified, but fine," I responded.

"Where does it hurt?" he asked, his hands gently skimming over my temples.

"Uh, just my ankle," It was hard to concentrate with his warm hands on my head. I risked a glance down at my ankle, attempting to concentrate. It was blood-free, fortunately, but swelling up nicely. Damn clumsy me.

"Where does it hurt on your head?" he asked again, his hands continuing to wander around my skull.

"Um, it doesn't," I replied, confused.

"You almost knocked yourself unconscious," he said, his eyebrows creating a furrow at the bridge of his nose. God, he was sexy when he was concerned.

"Oh, no, I didn't," I laughed, nervously. "It's... umm... blood. The smell of blood makes me... pass out. Sometimes." Edward looked at me sceptically, as if he didn't believe me. "Honestly Edward, I didn't hit my head. I'm fine now. Sorry for being a..." I trailed off, unable to find a word that accurately described my embarrassment. _Klutz? Fool? Disgrace? Embarrassment to the human race?_

"You scared me," he laughed nervously. I saw him glimpse towards my arms, but my eyes did not follow his. "Shit. Right, stay put for one moment." He disappeared back inside the club, leaving me sat outside on my own, giving me a few moments to collect my thoughts, take some deep breaths and focus on not embarrassing myself anymore than I already had. I cringed at the thought that I had practically fallen at Edward's feet, and then laughed a little hysterically at the thought. Edward appeared again, clutching a wad of toilet paper, and the ridiculous sight only made me laugh harder.

"Are you sure you didn't hit your head?" he asked. I rolled my eyes as he wrapped the cut on my arms up in his crude bandages. "The cuts aren't that deep, and this isn't really beneficial, but at least you won't have to see the blood." He smiled at me crookedly, and I almost forgot to breathe.

"Thank you Edward," I said, gratefully, attempting to get to my feet.

"Can you even stand up on that ankle?" he worried, helping me to my feet, and then wrapping his arm around my waist so he was supporting all my weight.

"Probably. It's definitely not broken, just twisted," I said. I knew the pain of breaking bones- I had broken many during my clumsy life, and it was nothing as bad as that.

"It's swelling up delightfully. Who's the one studying medicine again?" he teased.

"You haven't even been to one class yet," I shot back, grinning. Even though it hurt a bit, it was hard not to smile when Edward was stood so close to me. I fumbled around in my purse and pulled out my phone.

"What are you doing?" Edward asked.

"Calling a cab," I replied. "I think I'm just going to go home, whack some ice on this and go to bed. You can go back inside now, don't worry."

"Don't be ridiculous Bella." He looked almost insulted, his hands still wrapped tightly around my waist. "You need to go to hospital."

I gaped at him. "No, I don't."

"That ankle needs to be looked at," he argued, firmly, taking out his own phone from his pocket and, like with the drinks, dialling a number before I could tell him to quit it. I listened angrily as he ordered a taxi to pick me up to go to the hospital. "Taxi will be here in 10 minutes."

"It's just a sprain, Edward," I complained.

"Medical student," he repeated simply, grinning smugly.

"Whatever. Look, just go back inside, I'm fine to wait here now. I don't want to ruin your night anymore then I already have."

"Nonsense. And if I leave now you'll tell the taxi driver to take you home. I'm coming with you."

"You don't have to do that," I said. I had enough experience of hospital waiting rooms on Saturday nights to know we would just be sitting around, waiting, possibly for hours, with a bunch of crazy drunks, just for a doctor to tell me I had a twisted ankle and to take painkillers and rest it.

"But I want to, and I'm going to," he replied, his tone so steely that I couldn't argue. I just sighed, and sank down to the floor to wait. "You're going to get your pretty dress all dirty," Edward said, but I could tell he was teasing. He sank down next to me.

"It's Tanya's anyway," I replied. "She's got hundreds, I'm sure she'll survive." I shivered in the cold night air, and immediately Edward's jacket was wrapped around my shoulders. I frowned at him. "You're really milking this knight in shining armour routine tonight, huh Cullen?"

"Not at all," he replied, grinning, revealing those gleaming white teeth that made my heart rate elevate to embarrassing levels. "You're just such a damsel in distress I can't help myself." I smacked him gently on his knee.

"I am _not _a damsel in distress." It was something Jacob told me I was often- I was so clumsy and fragile, always tumbling over and breaking something, but I didn't _want _to have men swan after me and pick up my pieces. I was more than capable of looking after myself, but Jacob had always made sure he was there to fuss around me, even when I told him I was fine. It looked like Edward would be taking on this role for tonight. "I am a big girl now," I repeated, more for my benefit than his.

"Well, whatever. The best part of my night was the 30-seconds of conversation I extracted from you before you tumbled to your peril. I'm quite happy to stay with you."

I was lost for words. Was it possible Edward was as keen to talk to me as I always was to talk to him? No, surely not. He was just being polite, a gentleman, making sure I was okay, the same as he would have done for any other girl- Alice, Victoria, _Tanya. _

The taxi arrived before I could speak. Edward held out his arm to help me up, but keen to dispel any idea that I needed his help, I shimmied up the wall of the club myself. I put weight gingerly on my ankle as I hobbled to the taxi, still refusing to accept Edward's help. _Motherfucker; _that hurt. But it wasn't broken, I was sure of that. I hopped into the taxi one legged, and sprawled ungracefully into the seat. I opened my mouth to tell the taxi driver to take us home, but before I could, Edward's hand was clamped over mine as he reiterated the plan to go to the hospital.

"Why are you so stubborn?" he complained as the taxi sped off, in the wrong direction from what I wanted.

I made a noise of disgust. "I'm not the one forcing someone to go to a hospital against their will!"

"I want to make sure that ankle's not broken. I can see it's hurting you."

"It's fi-" I began, but he shook his head at me, a frustrated smile on his face. It was silent for a minute, as Edward fished around in his pocket for his phone.

"Shit," he cursed. "It just died. Can I borrow yours?"

"Sure," I said, getting it out of my purse. "But what for?"

"I'm just going to text everyone, so they know where you've gone."

"Don't worry about that," I snorted. "They were all very _involved _in their evening_. _I doubt they'll even notice."

"Even so," he said, well naturedly, holding his hand out for my phone expectantly.

"I'm capable of writing a _text _Edward," I laughed. "You're very... _thorough _for an eighteen year old you know."

"You're speaking like you're ancient."

"I'm nineteen remember?"

"As of two weeks ago. Is being thorough a good thing?"

"I have no idea." He leaned back in his seat, a smile on his pretty face. I sighed and wondered for the twenty fifth time how the hell I had managed to end this night in a taxi to the hospital with Edward Cullen.

"But really, Bella, are you okay?" Charlie asked for the hundredth time, his face on the pixellated Skype camera attached to my laptop one of typical fatherly concern.

"For the last time Dad, I am _completely fine,_" I emphasised the last words. Despite the fact I had repeated again and again I had just sprained my ankle and sliced open my arm, and that all I needed to do was take the painkillers and wear the stupid bandages and carry on as normal, my father still seemed to think I had been involved in an accident of Herculean proportions.

"Just be careful, okay?" he pleaded. I rolled my eyes at him. "Hey, it's hard enough having my baby girl thousands of miles away without having to worry you're going to trip over and end up in the emergency room as well!"

"I know, Dad. I'll be more careful, I promise." In the background, I could hear a door slam, and then I heard Jacob's familiar voice call out a greeting. Through the camera I saw him bound into the room, dressed in a t-shirt and jogging bottoms, looking like he had just got out of bed. I supposed he probably had- it was 10am on a Sunday morning back in Forks. Jacob normally didn't even surface until after midday on a Sunday- I guessed I was lucky he had even got up for me.

"Right, I'll leave you kids to it then," said Charlie, and I watched as he raised himself up from his chair. "Love you Bells, and remember to watch where you walk."

Jake's grinning face filled my screen. "How's it going over there, Captain Klutz?"

"Shut up," I groaned, "or I'll slam this laptop shut and go away."

"Nah, don't do that," his face became more serious. "I need to talk to you. I'm so bored up here it's insane. I miss you girl."

"I miss you too, boy."

"Charlie told me all the details of your little accident," he winked. "Have you got someone to take care of you up there?"

My mind filled with images of Edward. _My protector. _I snorted. "Yeah, it's all cool. Don't worry." I remembered when I had mad glandular fever, and I was too weak and in pain and pathetic to get out of bed, and Jacob had ran around after me like a servant, bringing me coffee, water, painkillers, hot water bottles, and making me laugh when I wanted to kill myself. Or when I broke my leg falling down the stairs (you couldn't make this stuff up) and he carried me around everywhere, even when I told him not to. Stupid, overprotective, caring boy.

"So, tell me everything Bellabear," Jake demanded, using the nickname I pretended to hate but that always made me feel a little warm and fuzzy inside. "How's your week been?"

I told Jake everything- we hadn't spoken face to face (well, as face to face as Skype could provide us with, across the Atlantic) since he had left last week- the time difference and the fact he had school all week meant we had sent each other a quick few e-mails with the most basic information and that was it. I told him about everyone in my room- lowering my voice slightly when saying something unfavourable, even though I was all but isolated in my room on the top floor. He raised his eyebrows appreciatively when I described Tanya, causing me to flick the camera, pretending it was his nose. I told him about all the clubbing, and the excessive drinking, but skimmed over my little accident, not wanting him to worry about me- or rip the shit into me, which was the more likely option.

"Sounds like you're having an amazing time. Holy shit, I am jealous."

"What are you doing up there?" I asked, concerned I was monopolising the conversation.

"Nothing much," he shrugged. "It's pretty boring. Just been in school," he rolled his eyes and frowned. Jacob was intelligent, but he wasn't an academic. He had "people smarts" as Charlie called it- he would do well in life, but probably not great in his exams. He dreamt of owning his own garage one day, and turning it into a big business. I knew he would do amazingly- it was perfect for him. He was _obsessed _with car mechanics, and even though he was so young, he was a dab-hand at fixing up busted vehicles- he had saved my truck from certain death more than a handful of times, and she was still running beautifully (well, in my opinion anyway). And he had plenty of common sense and natural charisma that would draw in the customers.

"Working hard I hope, little one?" I teased.

"Is that right, four foot one?" he shot back.

"Five foot four actually," I complained. It wasn't _my _fault Jacob was a giant. Anyone would be dwarfed by him. "Any scandal from The Res?"

"Absolutely nothing," he pouted. "You don't know how lucky you are to be out of here. Please come home and stir some shit up for me?"

I laughed. "I'll come home soon, okay?"

He nodded. "You better be. So, what's up with your ankle?"

"Just a sprain," I groaned through gritted teeth, for what felt like the millionth time. I thought back over the previous night- Edward practically carrying me into the hospital room, even though I could have limped in just fine, and insisting I had a frigging x-ray "just in case" it was broken. It wasn't. And it involved a whole lot of waiting around in the mean time- which, to be honest, I hadn't actually minded. Edward and I were both a little tipsy, and as irritating as it was that he'd practically forced me to make the trip to the hospital, I rather enjoyed giggling with him in the waiting room.

We didn't touch any personal subjects- mainly Edward just made sarcastic observational comments as we people watched in the waiting room. As I had suspected, the majority of people in the waiting room at A&E were drunk, or drugged up, or a combination of both. Edward provided me with a running commentary of what he thought was going on inside everyone's head, making me snort with laughter.

He was smug and I was pissed when the doctor insisted on bandaging up my ankle "nice and tight" and telling me to rest it for a couple of weeks, and giving me strong painkillers, which he told me I wasn't allowed to drink with. The way he told me indicated he felt this was a shame for me, but I was quietly pleased- I think my liver needed a few weeks off before it exploded.

"So you won't be going out tonight?" asked Jacob.

"I think I might be made to." I said, rolling my eyes. It was 6 o'clock, and the girls were getting ready in their respective rooms. It was the last night before classes started the following morning, and they were planning on going all out. All I wanted to do was curl up in bed, maybe read a book, and fall asleep. Boring? Yes, but it was what I wanted. I had told Tanya this, but she had completely ignored me, and said I was coming out whether I liked it or not. However, I was currently lounging on my bed in my pyjamas with my hair scraped up in a messy bun- I was already mentally planning my resistance.

"Quit being such a bore! You have no idea how much I wish I was there with you," Jake chastised.

"I wish you were here too," I admitted. I was having a great time, honestly- but I had barely gone one day without Jake in the last four years of my life, and it was hard being without him.

"JAKE! Breakfast's ready!" I heard the voice of my father roaring from the other room. I laughed.

"Go and make sure Charlie isn't burning the house down," I commanded. My father's culinary skills were far from exceptional. One of my main concerns about leaving my dad had been that he would die from malnutrition- before I moved in with him, he lived on a diet of takeaway pizza and sandwiches.

"Okay. Bye Bells. E-mail me and we'll sort out when I can Skype you next, okay? Oh and good luck, good luck, good luck, I love you, I love you, bye." Jake was babbling hastily, clearly his stomach clamouring for feeding. He blew me a kiss, waited for me to say "love you too" and then I watched as my laptop screen went blank. With a sigh, I closed it.

There was a knock on my door. I groaned.

"Go away Tanya! I don't want to get ready!" I called.

There was a deep chuckle and, to my great surprise, Edward walked into my room. I hadn't really seen him since the previous night, as we'd both been wiped out when we _finally _got home at half five that morning. I hadn't really seen anyone, I'd just stayed in my room and slept. The girls had burst in to make sure I was okay- but mainly to catch me up to speed on their night. Victoria was being studiously ignored by James, which of course was making her want him even more, but she had managed to "refrain" from sleeping with him at the very least. Alice had revealed her massive crush on Jasper, but she was determined to "play it cool" as she put it. Tanya admitted she was so wasted she had no clue how many boys she had kissed that night.

"So, Edward was pretty much your Prince Charming last night, huh?" Alice had asked.

I shrugged, awkwardly. "He forced me into the hospital- I still don't see how it was necessary. He was _really _insistent though."

"He was properly worried about you," Victoria enthused. "I wish you'd heard him this morning- the boys were taking the mick and he all but growled at them. It was really cute."

I flushed. "I don't know, I think he was just being nice."

"He _is_ nice," Tanya admitted, throwing me a wink. "But he's especially nice to _you_."

And now my "Prince Charming" was standing in my bedroom. And I was wearing pyjamas with bears on them and no make-up. Oh shit.

"Sorry," I blushed. "I thought you were Tanya coming to force me out of the house."

"Nope, just me," he smiled. "I bought you up a cup of coffee. Black with one sugar, right?"

"Oh my God, you're a star," I moaned, reaching out for the steaming mug.

"How are you feeling?" he asked, leaning awkwardly against my door frame.

"Fine," I emphasised. "And as much as you were kind of an overprotective douche bag last night, thank you for looking after me. I appreciate it."

"It's no problem. I was worried." His face looked so sincere- it was breathtaking. He was so attractive it was embarrassing. I looked away, sure my face was scarlet.

"More worried than I was," I mumbled. "So, what are the plans for tonight?"

"Well, I think the others are going to the pub and then some club," he said, "but I get the impression you're not too keen?"

"I know tonight is supposed to be about going absolutely mad, but seeing as I can't even drink and am sort of a cripple... and the fact I am completely _exhausted _and not in the party mood and am being an absolute Moaning Mandy, well, yes, in short, I'm not too keen." He laughed.

"Well, I don't have a _severely sprained _ankle," he snorted, repeating the words the doctor used, "but I kind of agree with you about the rest of it. So, I was thinking, maybe, you and I could just stay in and relax tonight? Watch a crappy movie, get some food in, and generally do the opposite of what everyone else is planning on tonight?"

I couldn't help the beam that took over my face. "Do you know Edward, that sounds absolutely perfect to me. But I am concerned the girls will carry me out of the house."

"I'll stand up for you," he grinned. "So, I'll meet you downstairs when the rest of the mad house has departed?"

"Absolutely," I said, solemnly. When Edward turned his back, shutting the door behind me, I almost punched the air with excitement.

A night in with Edward, alone? This was going to be _interesting. _


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Hello to anyone out there. Thank you for taking the time to read this, as always I honestly do appreciate it. But you know what I appreciate even more? ****Reviews. ****They're my favourite. If you have the time, or an opinion, please let me know what you're thinking.**

**Everything you recognise is Stephenie Meyer's- any mistakes you see are mine. Hope you enjoy. x**

**Chapter Six**

"So is this like a date?" asked Tanya, who looked absolutely beautiful in a backless ivory dress with her hair piled delicately on top of her head. I felt horrendously inadequate, still dressed in my teddy bear pyjamas.

"I don't think so," I replied. "We're staying in, watching a movie because I'm too crippled and he's too lazy to go out."

"No offence Bella, but _nothing _could keep me from going out tonight, so I'd say this boy likes you a lot if he's prepared to sacrifice his last night of complete freedom to sit in with you and watch TV," Tanya snorted. "And just so you know, if I wasn't so excited by the fact that you're probably going to get with Edward tonight, I would have dragged your crippled arse to the pub and ignored your excuses. Alice is kind of pissed off that you're not coming, you know."

I ignored that last bit. "I'm not going to _get with _Edward tonight," I snorted. "What does that even mean?"

"I don't know, what do you Yanks call it?" I was used to being insulted on an almost daily basis from my housemates for my Americanisms and complete puzzlement at some of the expressions they used. The consistent declarations of "bloody hell", "bugger" and "arse" always made me laugh, as they all sounded so utterly English when they said it."Snogging? _Making out? _Getting laid?"

"Shut up," I cringed, childishly covering my hands with my ears. Tanya, completely ignoring my embarrassment, leapt up on to my bed with ease, even in her five inch heels, and studied the frame full of pictures I had attached to the space just above it.

"So this guy... Jacob. He won't mind if you, well, _whatever _with Edward?" she asked inquiringly.

"We're not together," was my response, not an exact answer to her question. _You're obviously free to do what you want while you're here- kiss as many boys as you want, sleep with whoever you want. _Jacob's words rang in my head. He _wasn't _my boyfriend- I wouldn't be cheating on him if I did end up doing... whatever with Edward. Or any boy for that matter. And even though I didn't feel that way for Jacob, I would still probably feel guilty about it, on the very unlikely chance that I ended up kissing Edward. Okay, practically impossible.

But it made me feel weird, the way I felt about Edward. I hadn't even known the boy for a full week yet, but he made me act strangely, made me feel so comfortable and yet so out of my depth at the same time and, embarrassingly, I couldn't seem to get him out of my head. I knew I loved Jacob- but I'd never felt anything like this with him. Jacob made me feel safe and happy and warm- but maybe that was the problem. It was too safe, too comfortable. I loved Jake, but I'd never felt this for him- this pure, all-consuming lust, the overwhelming attraction that made it hard to think. When Jake spoke to me, it was like talking to Tanya or Alice- when Edward so much as said my name; it was hard to keep myself conscious.

Tanya was staring at me, waving her hand in front of her face. "Hello? Earth to Bella?"

"Huh?" I responded, dumbly. "Sorry, I spaced out."

"Yeah, I can see that," she laughed. "So he's just a friend then?"

I hadn't spoken much about Jacob- if anyone asked who the boy was in all of my pictures, or who I was e-mailing, I would just call him my best friend. I wasn't really able to explain or justify my relationship with Jake to myself in my own head, never mind having to explain it out loud. I had confided in Tanya, Alice and Victoria, when they had asked for my sexual history, that I had slept with him, but that he wasn't and never had been my boyfriend. Jake wasn't like a friend with benefits- he was just someone who I had shared every part of my life with, every experience with- there were no boundaries. Every time I tried to explain it, or even allowed myself to think about it too deeply, I always ended up sounding like a horrible, selfish bitch even in the comfort of my own head, so like a coward, I didn't think too deeply about it.

"He wouldn't be mad if anything happened with Edward," I half-answered. He would _never _show me he was angry- but I knew it would still hurt him. I was beginning to realise I was going to have to talk to Jacob and explain to him that I just didn't want to be with him like that, and I was never going to be anything or give him anything more than friendship from this point on. And if he didn't want anything to do with me anymore, well, that would hurt like hell, but it would be fair enough. If he needed his life to be untainted by me, a girl who he loved without reason and who had said one thing and shown him another, I would understand. He would always deserve better than what I could give him. Damn, what a mind fuck this whole stupid situation was.

"Make me proud then," Tanya grinned, throwing me a highly cheesy wink.

"I still highly doubt that he has any interest in me," I shrugged, self-consciously playing with a thread that was dangling off the sweater I was wearing. As inexplicable as it was that he seemed to want to spend time with me, I knew he was just being polite, trying to get to know me better perhaps. There could be no way someone as kind, as funny, as goddamn _gorgeous _as him could be interested in someone like me.

"Stop putting yourself down Bella, it's very unattractive. And please, please tell me you're not going to wear that tonight?"

"Obviously not, as comfortable as I am, I don't think the bears make the best impression."

"Well, what are you going to wear?"

I shrugged helplessly. "Jeans? A shirt? What would you suggest?"

Tanya's eyes grew wide. "I have the most incredible fuck me skirt in my room. I'll be right back..."

"Don't even think about it!" I screamed so violently that she actually stopped before she could run out of my room. "I'm not wearing a _fuck me _skirt, Tanya, I don't even want to know what that would entail. I might have nightmares."

She pouted. "Fine, be boring." _As always, _I thought, wistfully. "Well, I'm off to get absolutely pissed. If I have my way I won't be home until tomorrow evening so, until then, adios!" She was gone from my room like a whirlwind. As I was pulling on my safe navy jeans, I heard her call out unnecessarily loudly from way downstairs, "Have a good night children! Remember to be safe!" Cringing massively, I finished getting dressed and examined myself in the mirror. My clothes had drastically improved from the pyjamas I had going on, but my hair was still a mess and I desperately needed some foundation to remove the eye bags that were a reminder of my late night.

I was suddenly conscious that Edward and I were alone in the house together, and this made my heart thump embarrassingly hard. I was abruptly too nervous to put one foot in front of each other and make myself go downstairs. I knew it wasn't a _date, _but it still felt oddly intimate.

"Quit being a pussy Bella," I whispered to myself, as I hobbled out of my room and down the stairs.

Edward was sat at the beautiful dining room table, flicking through a menu, looking like he belonged in a high end catalogue. I tried hard not to swoon, just walk gracefully towards him. Not too easy when you're weighed down with a sprained ankle and your sense of balance is far from off on a good day.

"It's so quiet," I said, keeping my voice low, unnerved by the silence that rang through the normally hyperactive house. Edward looked startled by the sound of my voice, jumping back a bit in his chair, making me laugh.

"Shit, I didn't hear you coming," he laughed. "And I must say Bella; I'm very disappointed you've lost the pyjamas." I shot him a highly sarcastic look as I sat down at one of the oak chairs around the table.

"Ha ha," I muttered, trying not to blush at the thought that Edward had seen me in those frigging pyjamas...

"I'm being serious," he smiled playfully. "You looked very cute."

"Well I smelled very bad," came my reply. Oh, wow. _Real _sexy Bella. Fortunately, Edward just snorted.

"Chinese? Indian?" Edward asked, pushing an insultingly brightly coloured menu across the table to me.

"What, no bangers and mash?" I laughed, attempting to adopt a British accent that came out more Scandinavian.

"Well they do give you an option of sausage and chips," Edward admitted, "but I was thinking I might broaden my horizons, break away from the stereotypes, you know."

"Leah politely informed me today that she was pleased I wasn't as ridiculously in her face and irritating as she would have expected from _someone like me,_" I giggled.

"Oh for casual racism," Edward said, a small smile on his lips. "She sure has a lot of opinions, does Leah." Almost every night involved Leah getting in a screaming match with someone- quite often Mike, but most frequently, complete strangers who disagreed with her views, or had the audacity to do something tiny that she disagreed me. She was very intelligent, and her points were, most of the time, fair enough, but I still couldn't help feeling sorry for the one boy who had told her she looked sexy one night and who had ended up receiving a torrent abuse from Leah as a result. Leah was a feminist and gave him some semi-drunken rant about women not being objects for men, and that she was not put on this earth for him to find her attractive, blah blah angry blah.

"It's like a madhouse in here," I agreed. "Too many hormones, too many different people, too much drinking." I was used to living with just one other person, either Charlie or Renee, and, while I enjoyed living here with all the vibrancy and the different people, it could be exhausting trying to deal with everyone's separate dramas, and privacy was virtually non-existent. "It's a bit too much sometimes. I guess I'll get used to it."

"Either that or we'll just go insane," he said, cheerfully. "Well, I fancy a king prawn korma. What can I get you, milady?"

An unknown amount of time later, I was sat on Edward's bed, some made-for-TV movie playing on his small television screen, munching through a lamb Rogan Josh curry. Edward had already bolted through about three platefuls of his dinner, and I was left staring at him in utter wonder- he was _so_ skinny, I had no idea where he was putting it. He ate like Jake- as if he'd never see food again- but Jake was literally rippling with muscle, so his absurd appetite made sense. Edward caught me staring at him in disbelief.

"What, have I got something on my chin?" he said self-consciously, dabbing at his face, looking as child-like as I had ever seen him. I laughed.

"No. The way you eat... it reminds me of my best friend at home."

"Does he inhale food too?" Edward joked.

"Pretty much," I grinned, jumping up from the bed and wincing as I put too much weight on my ankle.

"You okay?" Edward asked quietly, his arms outstretched as if he was going to catch me. His plate wobbled precariously on his lap and I steadied it before he could spill korma sauce all over his jeans.

"Absolutely fine," I promised, putting my cleared plate on his desk before climbing back ungracefully to sit beside him on his bed, which had become a makeshift couch for the evening.

"When was the last time you took your pain medication?" he asked. I was supposed to take it every four hours, but I knew it had been about six and a half since my last dose. My ankle was throbbing quietly, but there was no way I was taking any right then. It made me drowsy, and as it was getting late anyway and I was already tired, I suspected it would make me drop off to sleep very easily. And I was having such a nice time with Edward that I did _not _want that to happen.

"Uh, like a couple of hours ago," I said, vaguely. He shot me a sceptical look. "You're such a worrier, you know?"

He blushed a little bit and then murmured confidentially, "my Mum always calls me her little fusspot." I burst out laughing at the funny little expression, and to my delight, Edward flushed darker. It gave me some sort of weird pleasure that I was able to make him as embarrassed as he frequently made me.

"Aw, that's cute," I said, once the giggles had subsided. "She's right as well, you know. You are a... fusspot." I snorted the last word. "I've seen your Mom before, right? She dropped you off here on the first day?" That pretty, dainty little woman with the caramel curls. It seemed longer ago than just a week that I had seen Edward for the first time, and had almost fainted at his feet such was the strength of my attraction to him. I would never have thought that in just seven days from that moment, I'd be sat in his bed with him, laughing and joking and capable of acting like a normal human being around him.

"Yes, that was her," he said.

"She's beautiful," I said, truthfully. Well, obviously. She'd have to be to have spawned someone like Edward.

"Yes, she is," he agreed, his voice so full of pride it made me smile. "I'm very lucky to have her as a mother."

"Would you tell me about your family?" I asked, hesitantly, not wanting to pry. I had spoken to Edward frequently over the last week, but most of the time both of us were riddled with alcohol, and the conversation had never progressed further than banter and had included little in the way of personal topics. I found myself wanting to know him better- I wanted to know why his face lit up when he spoke of his mother; I wanted to know who had raised him, who he shared his life with. I wanted to know exactly who Edward was- and that thought was a little scary.

"Well, you know my mother, Esme, and then there's my father Carlisle, and then I have a younger sister, Rosalie, who's 15," Edward said easily. "My mother is an interior designer and my Dad's a doctor."

"Is that why you chose to study medicine?"

"Maybe," Edward shrugged. "I wasn't forced into doing it or anything... my parents are very relaxed. They want the best for me, but they want me to make my own decisions, you know?" I nodded in understanding. "I guess I was always inspired by my Dad- every boy looks up to their father, I suppose, but more than anything I was amazed by that buzz he had when he came home, when he'd saved somebody's life. I want to do that, I want to help people, be the reason that someone else can have another however many years to spend with their family." I realised I was staring at him in amazement, and I quickly looked away, focusing intently on a smudge on the paintwork that suddenly had become very interesting. "Sorry, I must be boring you."

"Not at all," I replied. "It's just... the way you speak about it. I can tell you're so passionate about it. And I can imagine you would be an excellent doctor." If he cared for his patients the way he fussed over me, they would certainly be very well catered for. I blushed slightly, looking down at my slightly trembling hands.

"Thank you," he said quietly. One cool hand curved around my flushed cheek, and the touch made it feel as if a switch had been flicked on inside of me. He moved his hand away, but I could still feel the exact place where it had been just moments before, as if it was burnt on to my flesh. "So, tell me about yourself."

"What do you want to know?" I asked, embarrassed the limelight was now on me.

"Well, tell me about your family," he prompted.

"Umm, well, I lived in Phoenix with my Mom, Renee, until I was 14. My parents divorced when I was a baby," I explained. Edward didn't give me a pitying look, for which I was grateful; he just nodded as if to say "go on". "I used to see my Dad, Charlie, all the time, but when I was about 11, I stopped visiting him so much, and vice versa. A couple of days after my 14th birthday, I realised I hadn't even see him for over a year, and that freaked me out a bit. So I talked long and hard to both my parents, and decided I would go and live with him in Forks for awhile. I didn't want to compromise my relationship with my Dad- I wanted to have those experiences with him."

"I get it," Edward murmured quietly. "So, you moved in with him?"

"Yep," I continued. "I didn't really think I'd stay that long- Forks is really wet," I admitted with a laugh. "And I thought I'd miss my mom too much and want to go back to Phoenix. But Forks suited me really well, and I really enjoyed having time to properly get to know my dad, so I just ended up staying there indefinitely."

"What did you like about Forks?" asked Edward. To my surprise, he seemed really interesting in my menial life history. He was staring at me attentively, the remains of his prawn korma now being completely ignored.

"At first I didn't like anything. It was cold and rainy and I was used to the warmth and sunshine. But its differences to Phoenix became its appeals- there were much less people, and everyone was so much more comfortable within themselves. I didn't really have many friends in Phoenix- everyone was so phoney, you never knew where you stood. But in Forks, practically everyone was chilled out, nice. There was no bullshit. I made a few really good friends, enjoyed school, got to spend time with my Dad- it was slow-paced, a bit boring at times, but it suited me quite well actually. I guess I'm boring deep down," I laughed.

"I don't think so," Edward disagreed lightly. "So if you liked Forks so much, why did you move over here?"

"I'm not even really sure," I admitted. "I think- I think maybe I was scared, that I'd be stuck in that small-town frame of mind forever. That I was too reliant on everyone I knew." I leaned on Jake like a crutch, always knowing that one day he would leave school and have his own job, find a girlfriend who could give him what I couldn't, that he wouldn't need me one day, and then I'd be lost. I was selfish- deep down I knew that I was relying on him to always be there even though I could never be completely there for him in the way he wanted, and that wasn't fair for either of us. "That's not the main reason though- I guess I just wanted something new, exciting, different. And it was a totally crazy thing to do- I'm really not an impulsive person. I guess part of my Mom that was buried deep down appeared to fight for some independence, and suddenly it just seemed the exact right thing for me to do. Plus, it's absolutely beautiful here and the course sounded interesting, and the university is incredible. I guess I got lucky."

Edward was smiling at me gently. "What?" I asked, a little flustered and self-conscious.

"Nothing," his smile faded slightly. "Just the way you think... it's very interesting. I never know what the hell you're going to say next, can never fathom your reasons for the things you do until you explain them, and then I can see exactly what you mean."

"I'm just a mystery," I said, flirtatiously, throwing him a wink. He laughed.

"You are that," he said, so low I could barely hear him. "So, why are you studying Psychology, if I may ask?"

"Hmm. Another mystery," I admitted. "I wish I could say I have an overwhelming passion to understand how the mind works, why we think how we do, that the human mind is something that holds great interest to me. Well, I do find it interesting of course... but the main reason was I didn't have a clue what else to do, and it sounded like I might enjoy it, so I thought what the hell?" I couldn't help but feel inadequate- Edward was studying medicine because he wanted to save lives. I was studying Psychology because I couldn't imagine I was capable of doing anything else.

"Well, maybe you'll understand your reasons for taking it after a few terms," he smiled. I couldn't help but grin back, stupidly. Edward's smile was so beautiful, and to have him smile at me made me feel like there was a glow emitting from somewhere deep inside me, as corny as that was to admit. For a moment or so, I didn't tell myself off for being so silly, or tell myself that I barely knew him to feel so strongly about him. I just enjoyed drinking in the way his emerald eyes lit up, his cheekbones less prominent with his face relaxed, his white teeth a contrast to his red lips. I was dragged out of this small, blissful moment by a forceful vibration in my pocket.

_Kissed him yet? _I read the text from Tanya and then hastily stuffed my phone back in my pocket. Edward was looking at me quizzically.

"Just Tanya," I said. "Just informing me on what she thought I was missing out on."

"Ah," he said simply. "She's quite a lot to take in, Tanya."

"She's a handful, but she is lovely," I said. "At first I thought she was just absolutely crazy, but she's actually pretty sweet. She'll probably calm down after tonight, I expect."

"I hope so," he said, and I thought he sounded a little forceful. I frowned up at him. "She's, umm, made a few passes at me at the end of evenings. She was trying very hard to be persuasive. I know that's just her way, but still... it made me a bit uncomfortable." He shrugged. "And, actually, while we're on this subject, well, obviously you're free to do as you wish, and whatever you decide is absolutely up to you, but I just wanted you to know that, well, in my opinion this is, that.."

"Slow down," I laughed. The words were tumbling uncontrollably out of his mouth, and he seemed very unease. He took a deep breath before continuing.

"Well, I know that Mike is interested in you. And, as I said, obviously it's your choice to do what you like, but I just wanted to warn you that I think his feelings towards you are... less than gentlemanly." Edward squirmed uncomfortably.

"Don't worry Edward, there's no chance in hell of me going there," I promised vigorously, perhaps a little bit too vigorously, because a strange expression crossed Edward's face. Perhaps I was simply being very hopeful, but it looked to me that he was _pleased _that I had declared my lack of interest in Mike. But that was probably because he was looking out for me, my incessant negative voice argued with me. He was just a very nice boy who didn't want me to be treated with disrespect. How old-fashioned. How goddamn _attractive. _

We sat in silence for a few minutes, and I pretended to watch the movie. I suddenly felt very hot and flustered.

"I'm going to get a coffee," I mumbled, "Can I get you anything?" Stupidly, I climbed off the bed one legged, but used my dodgy ankle, which was now aching very painfully. I crumpled to the floor in a clumsy huddle.

"Sit there, Bella. I'll go and get your medication." Edward spoke with such intent that I didn't even attempt to argue, just sat in my flustered heap and watched as he walked silently out the room.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Hello to anyone out there. Sorry I'm late with this update- I planned to have this chapter out a week ago but then I ended up in a location with absolutely no access to a computer and my plans changed! Hope you enjoy, and as always please, please, ****please ****hit the review button and let me know what you think, I appreciate it more than you know.**

**Chapter Seven**

The consistent ringing of my alarm broke through and interrupted my perfect, dreamless sleep. I scrabbled around groggily in order to find my phone to silence the stupid thing. _What the hell was the time? _Half past seven? I hadn't been awake that early in what felt like decades. I was still bleary from the pain medication Edward had all but shoved down my throat last night. Actually, my memories were pretty hazy from last night from that point onwards. I couldn't even remember going to bed... I was definitely going to have to cut my dosage down.

Once the sleep haze had faded, I couldn't help the swelling of contentment that seemed to be emanating from someplace deep inside of me, that was putting a stupid little smile on my face. Last night with Edward had hardly been explosive, but it had been fun, relaxed, and allowed me to get to know him better- and realise I really, really liked him. And maybe it was just me, but it definitely felt like there was an undercurrent of electricity between us. Every time he touched me, the place where his hands had been felt like it was ablaze. I had a constant knot sitting in my stomach, and if I had to describe it, it was like excitement so acute it was pure nervousness, constant worry, yet happiness so strong I felt lightheaded... it was bizarre. But I kind of liked it.

I didn't have time to think about these new, weird feelings though- I had my very first Psychology class at nine o'clock, and I was still dressed in my jeans from last night. _What the fuck? Why didn't I get changed last night? _Somewhat confused, I shed the dirty jeans and replaced them with a new pair, adding a simple t-shirt and jacket. I wiped the mascara that was now running unattractively down my face, and attempted to make myself look presentable, before leaving my room, almost jittery with apprehension.

I poked my head around Alice's bedroom door. She was the most dishevelled I had ever seen her- curled up in a ball on her bed, her eyes open but bleary, her hair sticking up in all directions, the previous nights make up smeared across her face.

"Do you want to go for a run?" I joked, and I swear to God, the tiny little thing actually _growled _at me.

"Don't fucking joke with me right now Bella," she hissed.

I laughed, but quietly, because to be honest, I was a bit intimidated. "What time's your class?" I asked in a hushed tone.

"In an hour," she groaned.

"Good night?" I asked.

"No idea."

Sensing I wasn't going to get much more out of Alice, I flitted out of the room, shutting the door tightly behind me. On my way to the kitchen, I came across Tanya, lying across the landing. I toed her with my foot suspiciously, half-wondering if she was alive. She grunted at me, so I knew she had survived the night.

"You haven't got a class this morning, have you?" I asked.

"Midday," was the only response I got. From the scene of devastation I was experiencing, last night really had been a big one. I hadn't even been interrogated about my not-a-date-date with Edward.

I hobbled into the kitchen, which was mercifully empty. I turned the kettle on, thinking I'd make Alice a cup of tea to heal her hangover. She normally only drank that green tea shit that tasted like piss, but I knew she'd appreciate a cup of real stuff. I didn't see the attraction in the English breakfast tea everyone else was obsessed with, I much preferred my coffee, but they sure raved about it... another stereotype they were more than living up to.

I heard someone enter the kitchen, and spun around to see Jasper coming in. He didn't look too dishevelled- still attractive, and dressed in a nice pair of dark jeans and a fitted jumper. He even managed to raise a smile.

Jasper intimidated me a little- I hadn't spoken to him that much and he certainly seemed nice, and polite, but he rarely smiled, and I always felt I wasn't quite interesting enough for him. He always seemed deep in thought and brooding, and I didn't want to interrupt his own thoughts sometimes, so I mostly kept quiet around him. However he was the only person I know who I had psychology with, so I supposed I was going to get to know him better.

"Cup of tea?" I offered. He nodded gratefully, taking a seat at the table. "Good night?"

"Interesting," he offered, completely straight faced. "Sam got thrown out of a club for attacking some guy who tried to chat up Leah."

I raised my eyebrows, surprised. I liked Sam a lot- he wasn't just physically similar to Jacob, he also _acted _like Jake- he was always joking, protective, charismatic, protective and filled up every space he was in with his aura. Leah was- just the opposite. I had never noticed them speak to each other before. "I bet Leah hated that." Leah struck me as someone who was even less keen to be the damsel in distress than I was.

"She didn't, actually. She was very grateful, to my surprise." I passed Jasper his tea and he thanked me. "Do you want to leave in about ten minutes?"

"Sure. Do you know where to go?"

"Yeah, I mapped it out yesterday. It's only about a five minute walk."

"Excellent. Hang on, I'll just go drop this tea to Alice and then we can go?"

"Oh, I'll do it," said Jasper, suddenly eager, jumping to his feet, almost spilling his tea- the most enthusiastic I had ever seen him. I raised my eyes at him, a smile playing on my lips. "Don't worry, I'll tell her you made it." I laughed and handed him the tea.

"If she attacks you, don't blame me."

Jasper saluted at me and stalked out the room. Well, I would certainly have to ask Alice about that later... how much had I missed last night anyway? Fortunately, it appeared everyone else had later classes as no-one showed up in the kitchen, allowing me to drink my coffee in peace for a few minutes, before Jasper re-appeared and we walked to class together.

"What did you think?" Jasper asked, as we walked back to our building a couple of hours later.

"I think my mind is a little fucked," I admitted, rubbing my temples. I assumed the Professor was trying to make a big impression on us all the first day, for his "lecture" had consisted of him asking us a series of ridiculously hard to answer questions. I had watched my fellow students attempt to show off by trying to outsmart his questions, but when it came to my turn, my mind had gone blank, and I could come up with nothing intelligent to think of.

"Tell me, Miss Swan, what, in your opinion, does it mean to _think_?" evil Professor asked me.

"To think?" I repeated back stupidly, feeling my face grow red.

"Yes, Miss Swan, to _think. _What does it mean?"

"The verb or the noun?" The professor simply raised his eyebrows at me. I gulped, before saying, "well, thinking is the process of... considering what is in front of you and... I guess, analysing it? And if you_ think _something, it's your opinion on something... specifically I mean." Like right now for instance, I _think _I want to curl up and die. Oh wait, actually I _know _that's what I want to do.

"I didn't ask how a dictionary would define the act of thinking, Miss Swan; I asked what _you _think it means to think."

"Using your brain to come up with a solution that you find the most logical, or that makes sense to you, or that you believe will give you the thing that makes you most happy," I babbled, half-defiant, half-confused.

"Okay," the Professor said simply, before moving on to interrogate someone else. I wanted at that moment to crawl under the bench I was sat on, or run from the room, sure that I was being judged by all the legions of smartly dressed brainiacs with all their intricate answers.

After this bizarre and terrifying introduction, he began explaining what the course would entail, which allowed me to relax. Although the guy was undeniably a bit weird, I couldn't help but be excited as he gave me and the twenty odd other students the course outline.

He spoke so wordily it was hard to keep up some times, but I gathered it was a pretty diverse course, ranging from looking at psychological disorders, to child development and how the human mind worked. I was pleased to learn it would be primarily scientific- I wasn't good enough at science to do medicine, or physics, but it was definitely one of my preferred subjects. We would have six two hour lectures a week and two three hour tutorials.

I was still feeling a bit on edge, but slightly more relaxed, as I left the building. I still fell hideously incapable of being in this prestigious college, in this difficult discipline that sounded cool, but I wasn't sure I was passionate enough about. I explained as much to Jasper.

"I can't speak for everyone in there, and some of them certainly seemed very bloody confident," he said darkly, "but I know that I felt very out of my depth in there, and I'm sure the majority of people did, and will continue to do so, for awhile. They're no better than you, you know. You got in just as fairly as they did, and you can do it just as well as they can."

"Thanks Jasper," I smiled gratefully. It was late morning, and it was cold, but the sun was up, and I suddenly felt light and happy. "What are you going to do for the rest of the day?" There were no tutorials until next week, and we had no other lectures to attend today, leaving the rest of the day wide open.

"Well I'm running on about three hours sleep," Jasper admitted, stifling a yawn, "so I think I'm going to take a nap, and then maybe I'll hit the gym later." Everyone in this house _lived _at the gym, I swore. I wasn't unfit exactly- I worked out occasionally, went hiking with Jacob when he forced me, but everyone just seemed to be an utter fitness buff in my house. It was quite irritating. "How 'bout you?"

"I don't know," I mumbled. "I guess everyone will be coming and going all day. Huh. That'll be strange." We reached our house and used the passkey to let ourselves in.

The kitchen was in a state of utter carnage- dirty bowls, mugs, and cereal cartons discarded across the counters.

In the middle of the carnage, Tanya was sat on Mike's lap, looking- to my amazement, completely normal, a mug clasped in her hand. Leah was sat as far as possible from them as the small room would allow, sulking over a bowl of Cheerio's.

"How was your first class?" asked Leah, standing up to walk over to us, seemingly grateful to have been spared from the company of Mike and Tanya- who she had made it abundantly clear she was not a great fan of.

I shrugged and scratched at my head self-consciously, allowing Jasper to answer for me. "Hard. Professor's trying to scare us, you know. But interesting." I nodded in agreement with his assessment.

"And how was last night, Bella?" asked Tanya, her voice ladened with innuendo. I grimaced at her.

"Fine thanks. Yours?"

"Marvellous. We'll talk later, Bella," Tanya winked at me, and jumped off Mike's lap. "Right, I've gotta run. See you later."

"I'll come with you," Mike offered, "my class starts at midday too." They both looked at Leah awkwardly.

"Don't wait up," she said, harshly, watching them walk out the door, as I called "good luck" to them. Leah rolled her eyes and stomped out the kitchen. I sighed and surveyed the disgrace around me.

"Well... I'm just going to head back to bed. I'll see you later, Bella." Jasper was gone from the room before I could spin around. Feeling thoroughly deserted, and with a terse sigh, I grabbed the first of the empty plates and began cleaning the disgusting kitchen.

Even cleaning the kitchen until it gleamed only took up an hour, and I was promptly bored again. Everyone apart from Jasper, who was sound asleep, Lauren, who was staying in her room until her 3 o'clock class and who I couldn't be bothered socialising with anyway, and James, who I knew wasn't in class yet but was skulking in some unknown location, were at their respective lectures. I thought I would appreciate the quietness after being overrun with the constant activity that had swelled around me this last week, but I found myself missing the constant hubbub of movement and noise. It was too early for me to Skype anybody, so I sent a few e-mails to my mom, dad and Jacob, telling them about my first day and asking after them. I even tidied my room and bathroom- I had never felt so domesticated in my life.

I led on my bed and stared at the clock, wondering how it was only 3 o'clock. And then, invariably, I started wondering when everyone would return home- and more specifically, when Edward would come home. I felt a nervous flutter in my stomach that almost made me nauseous- I wondered when I was ever going to get used to this bizarre onslaught of feelings. I wish I had asked him when his classes began and finished, although perhaps that would be a little stalker-ish. I knew he would have far more work and far more classes than me, considering he was studying medicine, so maybe he wouldn't be back until much later. I tried not to dwell on the fact that this made me extremely grumpy.

I was sat on my bed, listlessly flicking through a book, when Alice burst in with all the force of a hurricane.

"Well you're looking better," I commented with a laugh.

"I'm so sorry I'm such a terrible friend!" Alice exclaimed, her face full of anguish.

"Jesus Alice, what have you done?" I asked, suddenly concerned about what atrocity she had committed against me in the space of a few hours.

"This morning... I totally forgot to ask you how your date was!"

"Oh, for fucks' sake. It wasn't a date, for the final time."

"Call it whatever you want Bella, I don't care, but did you have a nice night?"

"Yes," I admitted, a shy smile breaking out across my face. Alice's face was very smug.

"Tell me all."

I groaned. If staying in and getting takeaway demanded a full blow-by-blow account, God knows what would happen if I ever got round to having an _actual _date that involved _actual _feelings from someone who wasn't just me. I flushed at the thought of having a date with Edward. Alice mistook this, and pounced.

"Did you sleep with him?"

"Oh, my actual God, Alice Brandon. No I didn't! I didn't even kiss him, because I barely know him, and he has no romantic feelings for me! You and Tanya are doing my head in with this. _Please _drop it." I was almost begging now, desperate for them not to build this up, because I knew I would get so bitterly disappointed if I allowed myself to believe anything other than the fact that I was _just friends _with Edward. Barely even friends- we were still practically strangers. Calm down Alice, calm down Tanya, calm down Bella.

"Fine," said Alice, pouting and looking scorned. "I'll just leave you alone if you don't want to talk to me."

"Aw, quit that Alice," I practically begged. "I've been bored as anything all day. Please talk to me. Tell me about your day, paint my nails, anything."

Alice dropped her martyr act immediately and curled up on my bed, and began recounting her day. She was studying music- she wanted to be a music teacher one day, she thought. I confess to know absolutely nothing about music, but just hearing Alice singing around her room, I could tell she had a beautiful singing voice- like a little angel in a choir, and she was Grade 8 in flute _and, _incredibly, cello, which I could not imagine- the tiny little Alice playing a massive cello. She was exuberantly explaining how attractive another student was, when I interrupted her.

"Hey, Alice, nothing went on with you and Jasper last night did it?" I asked. Alice didn't blush bright red like I always did when I was caught out, she was far too graceful for that, but I could tell she was a little uneasy. Her eyes dropped to my bedspread and she began tracing intricate patterns with her fingers onto her jeans.

"No... Why do you ask?"

"He just about snatched the cup of tea I made for you this morning out of my hands to give to you," I said cheerfully, enjoying the chance to grill someone else's romantic interests for once.

"Really?" she said, her pretty little face lighting up. I nodded. Her face fell quickly, as she murmured, "nothing happened though. We were flirting a bit last night, but I don't think he's interested."

"You never know," I said, brightly. "I swear; it's like a love shack in here though. All of us are trying to jump on one another- you and Jasper, Victoria and James, Mike and anyone he can possibly get on..."

"You and Edward..." Alice interjected, smirking. "We've got to be careful- it's only the second week. This next year is going to be awkward as arse if we all shag in the first month and then it goes no further."

"Well I'm not _shagging _anyone," I said, snorting at the word. "I think everything will slow down now we've all got separate shit going on now, it's not just about drinking to excess every night."

"Never again," said Alice, wincing.

"Hey, do you know when everyone finishes?" I asked, trying to keep my voice casual. _I'm not going to straight out ask you when Edward gets back but I sure as hell hope you tell me the answer._

"No clue," she replied carelessly. "I was kind of out of it this morning. They might have finished classes and just be socialising, that's what I did. What did you do, sprint back?"

"Something like that," I mumbled. Truthfully, I'd been too embarrassed to hang around with the geniuses and attempt to make friends. I had been surprised by how easy it was to get along with the people in my house, yet the idea of trying to make yet more friends was intimidating. I wasn't anti-social in anyway, I just didn't have the natural charisma that flowed within Alice, or the confidence that Tanya exuded from every flawless pore. I gulped.

"Hey, don't look so miserable, I'll still be your friend," Alice smiled, slipping her tiny arm through mine. I laughed nervously. "Oh, there's this new film out I want to see on in like an hour. Do you want to come with me? The cinemas like, a fifteen minute walk away. Can your spazzy leg manage it?"

Half of me wanted to stay exactly where I was and wait for everyone, okay, _Edward_, to come home-but the other half wanted me to stop moping around and distract myself from my semi-obsessive thought tracks. The latter half won, and to Alice's delight, I agreed to accompany her.

The film went on later than I expected, and Alice and I didn't return until about 8 o'clock. As we let ourselves in, we were greeted by a hubbub of noise. Every single one of my housemates, apart from Alice of course, was sat at the dinner table, tucking into dinner. When they saw us, they greeted us noisily.

"At last!" Tanya exclaimed. "We thought you'd both died. We tried to wait for you, but I was about to die of starvation, so we gave up. We saved you some food though."

Alice surveyed the plates that littered the table- I spotted chicken wings, burgers, and potatoes, before pulling a small face and mumbling something about making up her own food. Alice was a vegetarian and only ate organic food, pretty much making her own meals, and very occasionally attempted to convert me to her way of eating. I very occasionally told her to fuck off, and grabbed myself a plate.

"I thought we could all have dinner together after our first day," Lauren said, shyly. I regretted my harsh judgment of her- it was a nice idea. I smiled gratefully at her. "Don't expect it to become a regular occurrence though," she added, to laughter.

I sat quietly and listened as everyone discussed their respective days. I mainly stared at my food and forced myself not to look at Edward, who was also quiet. The conversation was very pleasant, until Mike and Leah started _another _argument.

"The professor was a bit of an idiot," Mike said.

"No he wasn't, not at all, of course he wasn't," Leah snarled. "Just because you didn't know the answer to his question about constitutional law-"

"I did know the answer, the question wasn't phrased correctly!" retorted Mike hotly.

Leah opened her mouth to argue back, but before she could really get going, the usually quiet Eric said, loudly and firmly, "Whatever it is, I'm sure none of us want to hear you argue, so please just shut up." Leah jumped up from her chair like she'd been shot, and stormed out of the room without a backwards glance, causing a collective eye roll around the table.

"I don't know what her problem is..." Mike began to mumble.

"Oh just give it a rest, Mike," growled Sam to the left of me. Conversation was subdued from then on, and the sounds of forks scraping across plates became the main noise. When everyone had stopped eating, I made a move to clean up the plates.

"You don't have to do that Bell," said Victoria.

"It's okay," I shrugged. "I had no hand in making dinner _and _I was late, so it's the least I can do." I didn't admit that I found it therapeutic to clean up either, as I didn't need them all thinking I was an absolute weirdo.

"Didn't you clean up after breakfast as well?" asked Lauren, irritating me once again, albeit irrationally. I didn't answer, just continued to pick up the plates. I turned my back on everyone and began cleaning the plates at the sink as one by one they all left. I felt a hand run across my back, and I almost jumped out of my skin and slopped water all over my top, cursing.

I span round to see Edward looking at me in surprise. "Jesus Christ!" I exclaimed. "I thought everyone had left."

He smiled at me crookedly. "Sorry to frighten you," he murmured. "Everyone else may be the epitome of student slovenliness, but I don't mind helping you clean up. Besides, I wanted to check you were okay."

"Okay?" I asked, turning away from him to hide my blush and getting to work scrubbing the plates with as much enthusiasm as I could muster.

"Yeah. I was worried about you last night."

"Worrying again?" I half-teased, but then I blanched. "Wait... what? Why would you be worried?"

Two large hands appeared in the sinks next to me, beginning assisting me with cleaning the remains of dinner. "Uh... what do you remember about last night?"

"Everything," I replied, confused. "Well... actually... I don't remember much after you made me take my painkillers. I think they're a little too strong for me, especially at that time of night."

"I agree," he laughed quietly. "You zonked out five minutes after I made you take them."

"Seriously?" I asked, face flaming in embarrassment.

"Yeah. I had to carry you up to your room. I was scared I'd killed you. I would have left you in the bed, but I think you may have freaked out if you'd woken up in my room." He laughed. I didn't.

"I guess that explains why I woke up with my jeans on," I mumbled, face positively on fire with embarrassment. "God, I'm so sorry Edward. I seriously don't trust those things. God, how mortifying."

"Don't be silly Bella. You were very entertaining before you passed out, you know."

"_What?"_

"The stuff you were saying was very amusing," he grinned at me. My jaw hit the floor.

"Wait... what did I say?" I demanded. _Oh God, oh God, oh God._

"Goodnight Bella," Edward stacked the plate he was cleaning and swept out the room, smugness radiating off him, leaving me standing alone, staring after him, mouth wide open, feeling like the world's biggest fool.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Hello to anyone out there reading this! Same message as always- characters don't belong to me, I have no rights to anything of value, and I try my hardest not to disgrace everyone when I write.**

**Thank you so much for taking the time to read this, and if you possibly could, a review is always appreciated. **

**Chapter Eight**

The next few weeks passed easily enough. I went to my lectures, attempted to keep up with the work, fortunately finding the subject matter interesting. In the evenings I would work, or be coaxed out to the cinema or the pub by the girls. When my ankle was all healed up, I even managed a few trips to the gym with the ever enthusiastic Alice. I Skyped Jake and my dad and Mom regularly to let them know how I was doing and hear their news. My mom had a new boyfriend- a regular occurrence, but she told me she thought that Phil was "the one". She seemed so excited that I couldn't bring myself to remind her of all the numerous other soul mates she had met in the past that ended up being in her life for no more than a month and leaving a trail of destruction much longer than her happiness. Jake and my dad were fine- work was keeping Dad busy and Billy had Jake working hard in his final year of school, but he was also making sure he put the hours in at the garage. I had made friends with some of the people in my psychology class (some were unbearably snooty and irritating) and continued to get on well with the whole of my house, with Alice, Tanya and Victoria becoming firm friends of mine.

Everything was fine- better than fine, it was good. There were no issues, no problems. This was what I wanted.

So why I was curled up on my bed, wide awake at 3 in the morning, overcome by misery and attempting to keep my sobs to a choking minimum?

In theory, everything in my life was just dandy. But inside I felt something was missing- when I smiled, it was because I thought I _should _be happy, not because I honestly felt happy. I laughed because I thought things _should _be found funny. I talked because I thought I _should _talk.

At first I assumed I was just homesick. I knew I certainly missed home- particularly Jacob, who always knew just how to make me feel better. I wondered vaguely if I was only capable of being half the person I could be without Jake by my side- if he made me whole, made me feel normal, act care-freely. But I was increasingly unsure about this theory- I had been able to achieve natural, unforced happiness plenty of times without Jacob. It just frustrated me to think about it, which made me cry harder, so eventually I just stopped and allowed myself to cry it all out.

It was a Friday night- well, technically a Saturday morning. I had gone to the cinema with Victoria while everyone else had enthusiastically hit the town, keen to dispel the week's tensions. Though I was desperately trying to hide it from everyone, I was feeling pitiful and miserable and really didn't fancy getting all dressed up and going out. Victoria had spent the last couple of weeks in a horrible, self-destructive cycle of following James to his bedroom every time she was drunk and then being ignored studiously by him when she was sober, and thought it was a good idea for her to stay as far away from his as possible. We had come home early and I had been in bed ever since, feeling numb and alone and thoroughly sorry for myself.

I hadn't started crying until I heard everyone stumble in about an hour ago; singing and sounding completely care free. It just made me feel even more alienated, and _wrong, _and the tears fell swiftly.

With a sigh, I climbed out of my bed and staggered to the bathroom, feeling intensely grateful that I had one on my floor so I wouldn't have to risk encountering anyone else. I couldn't stand the restrictive feel of the sheets on my skin anymore, the stifling darkness of my room seeming too much to bear. New surroundings, if only across the hall, were what I required.

I knelt down in front of the toilet, taking deep breaths, telling myself I was completely overreacting. It was probably PMS causing me to be such an overemotional mess.

I almost had a heart attack when the door of my bathroom banged open unapologetically. I swore out loud, and to my complete surprise, saw Edward standing in the door frame, looking comically shocked. He was shirtless, wearing only a pair of tatty joggers, his hair in wild disarray. Emotional as I was feeling, my breath was still taken away by Edward's shirtless form. He wasn't ripped- his torso was long and thin, and very gentle muscles were visible beneath his gangly frame. He was like a male model- but not an underwear one. Beautiful instead of sexy.

"Shit Bella, I'm so sorry, I had no idea you were in here," he rambled, agitatedly running his hands through his hair. "It's just... I'm dying for a piss and Mike's vomiting up in the other toilet. I told him not to get that kebab on the way home... Oh- Bella, are you okay? Are you crying?" Pathetic as it was, the moment I locked eyes with Edward, the tears started up again, and what I had been trying steadfastly to deny myself refused to be kept secret anymore. I knew one of the reasons I was so upset- since Edward mentioned that I had been babbling the night of our not-a-date, I had been so embarrassed I had barely spoken to him. Conflicting class schedules and my mortification meant I had been in the same room as him for a maximum of half an hour over the last few weeks, and although I barely knew the boy- I missed him. Impossibly. When I felt like shit, all I wanted to do was crawl into his room and talk to him. I wanted to hear about what he'd been doing, how his lessons were. I wanted to tell him that I got 91% on one of my exams and how proud of myself I was. But I was too scared and too shy to approach him, I didn't want to bother him, and I was scared by how strong my feelings for him were when I still barely knew him.

"No," I lied fiercely, scrubbing at my face.

Edward sank to his knees next to me, taking a hard look at my face, which was undoubtedly red and blotchy. "What's wrong?" he asked, his voice quiet and soothing. "Are you sick?"

"I'm fine," I murmured, my voice husky. Edward put a gentle arm around my shaking frame, and, as always happens when someone who is upset is comforted; I burst into tears, noisy and unapologetic.

"Oh, Bella," he whispered, and he hugged me to his shirtless chest as I cried and cried. He held me for a few minutes, before eventually asking me, "please tell me why you're so upset?"

I took a deep, shuddering breath, and then managed a small shaky laugh. Things didn't seem so bad now I had Edward near to me. "It's nothing," I promised, wiping my eyes. "I was just feeling... overwhelmed and lonely and a bit homesick, I think." _And I miss talking to you like I've known you for years even though we've only had a small handful of conversations._

"That's not really surprising," he said soothingly, and he smelt of Edward and his own distinct, sweet aftershave and beer, and I wondered if he was drunk. Probably was. It was early on a Saturday morning, and he was a normal student, unlike me. "You're so brave to come here all on your own, do you know that?"

"Not really," I mumbled, taken aback.

"No, don't put yourself down, you are," he said forcefully. I looked up at his green eyes, the sharp plains of his face, his crimson lips set in a hard smile. "I wondered why you didn't come out tonight. Were you not feeling up to it?"

_He noticed. He noticed I wasn't there. He might not have cared, but he still noticed. _I shook my head. "I'm just feeling sorry for myself," I said. "I just feel like... like this is exactly what I signed up for, and everything is great, and I like my classes and my house and the people... but I still don't feel complete and I don't know why." _Because I'm not sure I can be complete without you, and that scares me more than anything else._

"I feel just the same sometimes you know," he promised, and I was wrapped in his arms and my heart was racing. "Bella, I hate to think of you sat up in your room all alone and upset. If you feel like this, _please _come and speak to me about it. Or if you don't want to talk to me, talk to anyone."

"Don't suffer in silence," I joked, and he laughed once, lowly.

"Exactly." He took a deep breath, and the next words tumbled out of his mouth quickly. "Bella... I might be being completely ridiculous, but it feels like, or rather I'm worried that, you're avoiding me since the night... the last night of Fresher's. I don't know if I did something to upset you, and if I did I want to know about it, because... well, stupid as it sounds, I've been worried about you and I really, really _wanted _to talk to you but I didn't want to upset you." For a moment I wondered if I was dreaming, because this conversation is exactly what I wanted to hear.

"Not at all," I promised, and my heart sang because Edward _wanted _to talk to me, he was just worried about upsetting me. "It was... I was embarrassed. About what you said. About... saying stuff. When I was all drugged up and sleepy."

Edward laughed once, but not cruelly. "Silly thing," he murmured. "I'm so sorry if I upset you. I was only teasing you. All you told me was that I was _very pretty_, and then you fell asleep. That was it. What the hell did you think you'd said?"

_That I think I love you? That I wanted to kiss you? That you're more than pretty, you're the most gorgeous thing I've ever seen? _"I don't know," I shrugged, and I laughed in earnest this time at my stupidity over the last few weeks and particularly that night.

"If it makes you feel better, I told you that I thought you were very pretty also," Edward smiled at me gently, making my face flame and my heart fly. It was half three in the morning and everything seemed right again. I sat and stared at Edward for a few moments, both of us saying nothing, just looking into each other's eyes, and the fact that I had missed him so much solidified in my mind and I no longer cared about anything.

The perfect moment was ruined by Edward biting his lip in embarrassment and whispering, "Bella? No offence, but can you leave me for one minute? Because I really am dying for a piss."

I stood outside my bathroom, dithering hopelessly awkwardly, trying not to listen to the sounds of Edward urinating. I wondered what I should do- it _was _halfthree in the morning, I _did _have a class tomorrow- well, no, actually, _today_, and it _would _look a little weird if Edward was done peeing and I was stood outside the door waiting for him_. _I should have just crawled back into my own bed and tried to get some sleep- left him alone. That was probably the right thing to do. But it wasn't what I wanted, so I stopped that idea in its tracks, got the backbone that I'd been missing those last weeks, and straightened up. Edward didn't look surprised to see me waiting, stood bolt upright when he came out the bathroom. There was no light in the hallway, but the moonlight was seeping through the window, lighting up Edward's face. He looked hauntingly beautiful, all scruffy and serene. His eyes were reflecting the light like little green glass prisms, and they were a little unfocused, undoubtedly from the drinking, but there was a layer of intensity over them that made his expression breathtaking.

"I'm not really ready to go to sleep yet," I admitted out loud, surprising myself. Edward grinned, sheepishly.

"Well... if I was more sober, I would suggest we went for a night-time stroll- get some fresh air, catch up a bit. But to be honest with you Bella, I'm a little bit bladdered."

"Come and meet my room, officially," I smiled, leading him into my bedroom. My thought processes had me blushing. Edward and I, sneaking into my bedroom at night, him drunk and me heavily infatuated with him. I knew I would never do anything, but even so, I flicked the light switch on in my room before pulling Edward to sit down next to me (sit down, _not _lie down).

"Pleased to meet you properly," he said to my room politely, making me giggle like a stupid school girl. "We have met, of course, but under entirely different circumstances." I smacked him playfully, and curled into his body, a feeling of warmth spreading all over me. "So, Bella... tell me everything that has happened to you in the last 18 days."

"18 days?" I asked, confused.

"Yeah... that's the last time I spoke to you properly," he admitted, unashamed. I balked- had he been counting the days? Was it possible he cared as much as I did? "In fact, screw filling me in. Let's be stupid. Want to play 20 questions?"

"Are you for real right now?"

"I'm totally for real," he responded in an American accent, and I smacked him again. I'd never seen him so silly and relaxed.

"Shut up."

"Not a chance. Okay... favourite colour?"

"Hmm- red. Crimson. You?"

"Chocolate brown."

"Why?"

He looked at me for a moment before responding, a lazy smirk that I did not understand on his face. "It's just a nice colour. Okay... favourite animal?"

I had to think for a moment. For some reason, I thought of that evening, over a month ago in my childhood bedroom with Jacob, staring up at a poster of dinosaurs. I shoved Jacob out of my mind hastily though- for some reason, my subconscious told me that Edward and Jacob should not co-exist in the same room together, even if one was only presents in my head. "I guess... dinosaurs."

"They don't count!" Edward exclaimed.

"Ssh. Yes they do, why on earth wouldn't they count?"

"They're extinct."

"If someone dies, that doesn't mean they were never a person."

"But we're not talking about people, we're talking about dinosaurs."

"That's irrelevant."

"So what's your favourite animal then, Mr Difficult?"

"Mountain lion. Next!"

"So you like cougars, huh?" We both fell about laughing. Our conversation continued for what could have been seconds, minutes or hours- I wasn't keeping score. I learnt his favourite food was his mother's roast dinners, he learnt that my favourite book was Catcher in the Rye. I found out his favourite subject in school was Biology, his middle name was Anthony, and his birthday was June 20th. His favourite sport was soccer (but he called it football), and he liked running. His favourite band were The Smiths, and the item in his wardrobe he was most embarrassed of were a pink ("but they're not really pink, they're peach, a strong peach") set of pyjamas bought for him by a clueless grandparent one Christmas. He answered my questions quickly, seemingly hungry for information from me- a little too interested by things as trivial as my coffee order (a skinny cappuccino with two shots of caramel), and that my favourite film was The Pianist ("that's cheerful"). Gradually, we went from a sitting position to both being laid down in my bed. He didn't wrap his arm around me, nor did I snuggle into his still-bare chest- though I wanted to. Occasionally as we talked about inconsequential things, he would very gently, and more than likely accidentally, brush up against me, his hand skimming the back of my thigh. Each time he touched me, I felt like I was on fire, tingling with desire, and I had to take a deep breath before continuing speaking.

I was in the middle of explaining why _Wuthering Heights _was my favourite novel- Edward had asked me for the reasoning behind nearly all of my answers, declaring me unfathomable and downright strange half of the time, and wasn't satisfied until I had expanded on every tiny conclusion I had ever come to. Therefore, my explanation was more than a little passionate and long-winded. When I had declared my love for Heathcliff and Cathy's relationship, I awaited for the inevitable scrutiny to come from Edward. When none came, I flipped over, to see his eyes closed, mouth open slightly, breathing deeply, clearly fast asleep. Far from being insulted, all I could think about was just how cute and vulnerable he looked, every inch the awkward teenager in slumber. I smiled affectionately at him. I realised it must be very, very late- no, very, very _early _and I should really get some sleep, but I didn't feel even slightly tired. I was buzzed like I was drunk, and I had no desire to close my eyes and end the night.

So I watched Edward sleep. Creepy? Maybe. Enjoyable for me? A lot. I led next to him, taking up as little space as possible, watching him dream peacefully. Nothing eventful happened at all, until, at some point in the night I became convinced he was awake, because he began whispering.

"Hmm?" I asked quietly, leaning in closer to him. His eyes didn't open though, his body didn't move.

"Bella," he breathed, and then repeated my name in almost a moan. "Bella. I..."

"You what?" I whispered breathlessly. "Finish that Goddamn sentence, Cullen." He didn't. He turned over restlessly, still clearly unconscious, and became silent once again. Huffing discontentedly, I climbed out the bed, careful not to disturb Edward. My phone told me it was half seven in the morning- a reasonable time to get up, even on a Sunday morning.

Leaving Edward sound asleep in my bed, I tip-toed downstairs and made myself a cup of coffee. I clutched my arms around my chest and thought, hard and quickly.

Last night, I was lonely and sad, and I was beginning to suspect the real reason for my sadness was, as well as general homesickness and increasing pressure in lessons, feeling alienated and awkward around Edward. He had found me, snivelling in the bathroom (mildly embarrassing, but these things happen), and then we had spent the early hours in my bed, talking about total bullshit. Then he had fallen asleep, and almost definitely had a dream about me. Edward Cullen. Dreaming about me. _You couldn't make this shit up. _And now- I felt better. Almost 100%. Whole. Happy. So happy I could have danced around the kitchen.

I made a decision there and then. I was going to stop analysing and worrying and getting upset about nothing and everything. I was going to relax, enjoy myself, and just _start living. _Do what I wanted, because the only person holding me back was, well, _myself. _

It was time to find what I wanted, and then get it- and I had a pretty strong feeling that I knew what I wanted. Whether or not it was in my grasp- well, only time could tell me that.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter Nine**

My plans of relaxation were put completely on hold when I got set my first assignment.

After the fourth 16-hour day in a row of work finished, I went to the library toilets and cried shamelessly. I had been awake since 5 that morning, and it was now 9 at night, I still had a shit load of work to finish by the end of the week, I was the owner of a splitting migraine and was absolutely exhausted.

I'm not really much of a whiner, but right there and then, I could have complained for months.

If I thought being a student was going to be non-stop fun, I was sorely mistaken.

The only thing that made it better was that my whole Psych class was suffering alongside me. Every minute we didn't spend working, we spent in impromptu group-therapy sessions as we complained about the amount of stuff we had to do and how evil our professor was. Apart from the... well, the only word I had for them was _pricks_, who sat at their desks and did their work with a smug smile on their stupid faces, never complaining, declaring it all easy and clearly thinking us all simple minded.

I sincerely hoped my grade kicked their grade's ass.

Although I doubted it, considering the amount of times I had read over my project and wanted to smash my skull into my computer screen at the standard of it.

Stifling a groan, I splashed water onto my puffy face and exited the toilets. Jasper was stood outside, obviously waiting for me, looking as exhausted as I felt.

"Hi," he said, his voice a dull monotone. I almost smiled at how miserable we both were, but couldn't quite raise the energy. "You hungry?"

"I'm so hungry it's obscene," I replied. I hadn't had time for a lunch break, and ten cups of coffee and a granola bar weren't enough to sustain me for the length of time I'd been in that goddamn library.

"Is there even any food at the house?" he asked. I tried to think- but I hadn't been home enough other than to sleep to notice if my other housemates were keeping our home adequately stocked.

"It should be. They've got nothing else to do," I grumbled, thinking of the amount of time everyone else seemed to have to be able to do what they wanted- go out, party, _eat and sleep._

Jasper shoved his arm around me, and lead me out of the library. "Aw, darling. Don't worry- I heard once this project is over we have it easy for awhile. They'll all be working really hard soon, anyway- law? Medicine? Architecture? And then we'll be the ones sat at home all day eating."

"I sure hope so," I yawned. The walk from the library to our house was only about ten minutes, but it felt like forever. Jasper and I staggered into the house, laughing hysterically about absolutely nothing as we made our hungry ways into the kitchen.

I was shocked to see the back of Edward's lanky frame stood by the oven. I hadn't seen more than a glimpse of him since my project got set just over a week ago. It had been two weeks since the evening Edward had fallen asleep in my bed.

I thought back to that morning after the night before. The whole house was still asleep, and I was sat in the kitchen, getting some work done before my class and drinking my coffee, when Edward rushed downstairs, looking half-asleep and unbearably frustrated. And insanely cute.

"Oh my God, Bella, I'm so sorry I fell asleep!"

I just laughed. "It happens to the best of us," I winked. "It was your turn to fall asleep in my bed anyhow."

"But you were in the middle of telling me something..." he said, his voice whiney.

"You're forgiven. Go back to bed, sleepy head." I wanted more than anything to wrap my arms around him and kiss him on his forehead, but I kept my hands clenched around my coffee cup. After all our stupid conversation last night, I felt even more at ease with him. I still didn't really _know _him, but I knew some of his silliest secrets, and I was still finding him to be a really lovely and funny person.

"It's okay. I have class in a bit anyway. If I fall asleep I'll never get up again." He sank down heavily in the seat next to me, and put his hand in his head.

"Hung over?" I asked. He nodded, and then groaned. "Aw. Hmm- that's funny."

"What's funny?" he mumbled.

"I was just remembering what you told me last night. You were... funny." It was my turn to flounce out the room this time, a vengeful smile plastered on my face as I left _him _wondering what the hell he had done to embarrass himself. Talk about a role reversal.

Fortunately, he didn't freak out like I had done when he had put me in the same position. We were all busy, so we didn't see each other very often, but we made flirtatious conversation if we met in the kitchen, and on Saturday night I had been tempted to a bar with a small selection of friends- me, Alice, Jasper, Edward, Sam and Victoria. Tanya had been out with her seemingly never ending social circle of people from her classes, or just people she pretty much befriended while walking down the street. We'd all had a great, silly night, just messing around and chatting, and although I didn't exactly get any alone time with Edward, just being with him and my friends had made for a good night.

But then my assignment- all about the biological aspects of the human brain, but much more complicated than I could ever hope to comprehend- had come up, and my life and freedom had disappeared from beneath me, and I hadn't seen Edward's pretty face for a long time. And the fact was, I was too busy to even think about that, and I hadn't even had the time to miss him.

Maybe the work was good for me after all.

I was so surprised to see him that I didn't notice the overwhelming smell of burning until it forced its way violently up my nostrils.

"Jesus Christ!" I exclaimed. Edward span round, a look of horror on his face. I ran over to the hob, where there was a large wok full of an indistinguishable pile of charred... things.

"I just went upstairs for a few minutes..." he murmured, still horror-struck. I couldn't help it- I burst out laughing. Jasper joined in, our weary hysteria creeping back until we were both leaning against the counter for support. Edward just watched us, no doubt thinking we had lost our minds.

"What were you trying to do?" Jasper asked, when his laughter had finally subsided. Edward sighed and his shoulders slumped in defeat.

"I knew you guys would be back soon, and I knew you'd been working really hard, so I was just _trying _to make you dinner, but I guess I left it in the pan too long. I'm really sorry." He looked at the destroyed food in the pan mournfully.

"Aw, Edward. That's really sweet," I said, touched that he had even attempted to make us dinner, even if it had failed abysmally. Before I could think about what I was doing, I gave him a quick hug. I had never done that before- never embraced him. It felt _good. _I was shocked, but he didn't seem to be.

"Yeah, it was, but, can I just ask... what the heck was that supposed to be?" Jasper asked, a smirk on his face.

"Stir-fry," Edward admitted, a ghost of a smile on his face. "I thought you had to leave it for like... fifteen minutes to... cook." He trailed off lamely.

"Not quite," I grinned. My stomach rumbled so loudly it practically reverberated off the kitchen tiles. Edward stared at me, horrified.

"Have you eaten in the last week?" he asked.

"Sporadically," I laughed.

"Nice idea and all, Edward, but I think we should just order take-out," Jasper laughed. "Bella, what do you want?"

"I do not care. If it's got food in it, I'll eat it," I said, because I was too tired and too hungry to consult a menu. Jasper started dialling whatever take-out service he fancied.

"I'm really sorry," Edward said again, as he tipped the remains of dinner into the bin.

"Don't be ridiculous," I said, my voice low and sincere. "It's not your job to feed us, and I appreciate the thought. I'm just glad you didn't hurt yourself. I think you and cooking are perhaps like me and walking along flat surfaces- natural enemies."

He just smiled weakly. "Edward, do you want anything?" Jasper called.

"I'm good, thank you," he replied. I stood up from my seat at the table to get myself a glass of water, but before I could get to the sink, Edward quickly asked me, "what do you want?"

"Just water," I said. He practically sprinted to the sink to get it for me. "Hey, I can walk you know," I laughed, as he passed me the glass.

"I know," he shrugged, "it's just... no offence, you look like you're about to keel over. Seeing as I couldn't manage to feed you, a glass of water is the least I can do. How's everything going, anyway?"

"Slowly," I replied, taking a long sip of the cool water. "I could break down literally every five minutes, it's so hard. And there's so much to do. But I'm sick to death of hearing myself complain about it, so I'm just going to shut up. What've you been doing?"

"Working, but not to your extent," he admitted. "It's been quiet round here without you."

"Oh, yeah, I bet- Tanya and Leah and Mike are such little mice, and there's me and Bella constantly providing a string of noise," Jasper said, sarcastically, taking a seat at the table.

Edward grinned. "Well, I've missed the little noises you guys make that I appreciate rather than Tanya's squealing and Leah's arguing and Mike's dickhead-ness."

"Bella, I ordered everything I could pronounce," Jasper said, proudly. "We have enough food to last us weeks."

"Excellent," I said**.**

"You can always take it to the library with you tomorrow if you can't finish it," Edward said, sounding a little like my dad, strangely protective. "So you have something to eat and don't come home half-dead from starvation."

My stomach gave a very noisy rumble. "I don't think finishing will be a problem," I said. I needed to go to my room to get a book and make some notes for an hour or so- doing more work seemed impossible, but it still needed to be done. If I went to my room, I could have changed into pyjamas as well, which seemed like a fantastic idea. However the thought of walking up _all those stairs _made me groan out loud.

"What's up?"

"I need something from my room. And I cannot be bothered in the slightest," I admitted, sounding pitifully lazy and not even caring.

"I'll get it for you," Edward volunteered straight away.

"Nah, nah, it's cool. Sit down. I need to get changed anyway." Slowly I got to my feet and wearily began the climb upstairs. As usual, the place was a bubble of activity. I poked my head around Alice's room and saw, to my surprise that she was sitting with Leah.

"Hey," I called.

"Bella!" Alice exclaimed, hugging me. "Jesus, I thought you had died. How are you doing? Wow, you look tired."

"Thanks," I muttered sarcastically. "I _am _tired."

"God, you and Jasper have been working way too hard," she said, more sympathetically. "I miss you around here. When will you be done?"

"Deadline's in three days," I yawned. "So I'll be done then, ready or not."

"Fantastic. I'll plan us a night out."

I rolled my eyes. "When this is over, I'm going to sleep for a week. How are you, Leah?"

"Great," Leah grinned at me- surprising me again by how upbeat she seemed. Leah wasn't exactly depressive- but she was no ray of sunshine at times. Alice shot me a look that told me she'd tell me more later.

"Well, I need to go and put my pyjamas on and then eat my weight in whatever cuisine I am being surprised with," I excused myself, continuing my walk to my room, being greeted by a menagerie of "Hey, Bella" 's, and "you doing okay?" 's.

My room was a mess. All of my clothes littered the floor, and each morning I simply grabbed anything that didn't smell of mould and shoved it on. I hadn't changed my bedding in... too long, and the room was hot and stuffy. Surveying the destruction just made me feel more frustrated. I sank down on my unmade bed and laid there for five minutes, trying to find the energy to move. Eventually, I wriggled into my pyjamas like a worm, grabbed my book, laptop and my purse and then made my way slowly back down the stairs.

"Oh my God I've seen you twice in five minutes. That's more than I've seen you this whole last week!" Eric called as I walked past his room.

"Oh, go do some work or something," I said lamely.

Edward and Jasper were talking quietly when I came back into the kitchen. The conversation stopped as soon as I appeared, but I didn't ask them what they were talking about. If they didn't want me to know about it, I wasn't going to pry. I hoped quietly it was about Jasper finally getting the courage to ask out Alice. I appreciated he hadn't seen her anymore than I had over the last week, but whenever the two did see each other, they flirted like the love-struck teenagers that they were. And I knew how much Alice liked him, because she didn't talk about him very much, and whenever he came up, she clammed up, the opposite of the usual, bubbly Alice. Attraction does strange things to people.

"You can't be doing more work?" Edward exclaimed, aghast.

"Just a bit," I said, defensively. "I need to e-mail my parents as well." I hadn't spoken to them or Jake for a few days, and if I knew my mom, she'd be freaking out. I checked my inbox and, sure enough, I had a total of 12 increasingly angst-ridden e-mails- 7 from my mom, 4 from Jake, and just the one from my dad, who was always, took the more laid-back parental role. I rolled my eyes and skimmed through them. My mom was still gushing about Phil- they had just shared their one month anniversary. I was still more than a little sceptical, but if she was happy, then I was happy for her. My dad's e-mail was as devoid as information as always- he didn't really know how to work the computer and typing took him _forever._ Jake's first e-mail was generic, asking how I was, a quick update on his life- and then the next two were frantic. Because I had taken more than 48 hours to reply, he had decided I was lying dead in a ditch somewhere in Oxford. The last one was completely unexpected.

_Isabella Swan._

_Clearly you have forgotten all about me and moved on to bigger and better things in Oxford. Now, I'm not going to take this lying down. I'm going to remind you of all the reasons why you are simply not allowed to forget about me. And don't call me a sap, I'm tired and I miss you and Billy's cooking is dreadful so I'm hungry and you know hunger does funny things to me and you're not replying to me and did I mention I miss you?_

_Remember the first day I ever met you? Me and Billy came round to meet Charlie's new arrival. I was thirteen and you were taller than me and it bruised my ego. And our Dad's stuck us in a room together and it was really awkward, until you made me watch Titanic for the first time, and I cried like a baby._

_I still blame that on hormones, just FYI._

_Remember that bonfire I threw for you on your 15__th__ birthday at the beach? And I didn't cook the sausages properly and ended up giving you food-poisoning, so you spent all of your actual birthday tossing up? _

_Yeah, I'm still sorry about that, by the way._

_Remember that dorky police dance Charlie made us go to? And Tyler tried to kiss you, and I punched him? God, I think I was only 15. Tyler didn't even know I liked you. _

_Hmm, these memories aren't really bringing out the best in me._

_Okay- remember when I let you ride my motorbike with me for the first time? And how much you loved speeding around the Reservation with your hair flying around and blinding you? So I made you one from old parts I found in the garage, and Charlie threatened to murder me if I ever let you ride it? But I still did. And he learned to accept it- even if you did have to go to hospital over it. Twice. Remember when we got into that big dumb fight last year because I was being an absolute jackass, so to make it up to you I snuck into your room (and almost broke my leg) at night with every flavour of Pop-Tart I could find in the supermarket and a portable toaster and I even watched The Pianist with you because I was so keen to make things up with you? And this time you cried at the film, not me, so ha. Remember when I took you to that Charlotte Trall concert in Port Angeles for you birthday? You cried again then, if I recall. Remember that April Fool's Day when I pretended to propose to you? And you got really, really flustered and told me really, really nicely that you didn't want to marry me at the tender age of seventeen (and I think it was inferred, actually, that you _never _wanted to marry me) and your face was such a picture I almost died laughing? _

_I could go on for a couple more years, I think, but I'll save up more memories for if you ever think it's acceptable to not reply to me for a week._

_A WEEK, BELLA._

_I miss you Bellabear._

_Reply or I'll get Charlie to file a missing person's report._

_Goodbye._

_Jacob_

_(I love you)_

Jacob's memories had me laughing and almost crying in equal measure.

"Didn't know Psychology work was this amusing," said Jasper.

"It's not," I smiled, beginning my reply to Jake's e-mail. "I got a funny e-mail from Jake."

"Jake?" Edward asked. "Is he the boy in all your pictures by your bed?"

"Uh-huh," I said, remembering that I had never mentioned or explained Jacob to Edward before, my own brain feeling uneasy at the idea of him knowing about Jacob- which was ridiculous, of course. "He's my best friend from Forks."

"Don't worry, man, he's not her boyfriend," Jasper winked at Edward. I blushed scarlet, and began typing furiously.

"Ha ha," said Edward, without humour. Jasper and Edward bantered back and forth, but I zoned out. I was thinking of other memories I had of Jacob that he hadn't mention.

Like the first time we ever had sex. He had just only recently turned sixteen, and Jacob had, very awkwardly and shyly propositioned me. I remembered our long, convoluted conversation.

"Bella- I know you don't, like, _love _me or whatever," he said. We were sat in his bed at his house, and Billy was out. "But you know that I really like you, right?" I nodded, awkwardly. "And I know you don't like me like that. That's okay. But... like, remember that time we kissed?"

"What specific time, Jake?" I laughed. "We kiss all the time."

"Yeah, I know," he grinned. "And you said you didn't want to lead me on, but you liked being with me that way, even if you didn't want to... be with me as a couple. Because we both agreed that it just felt right, and you said everything was just... _comfortable._ And you said that was really, really selfish and it was fair enough if I never wanted to speak to you again, and I said I didn't care and I didn't think it was selfish? And that I know you're not using me?"

"We have this conversation every couple of days so, yeah, I'm pretty well versed on how it goes," I tried to smile, but couldn't quite manage it. "And I'm not using you, because no matter what, you're the most important person in my life. But I'm still treating you badly because I know how you feel about me and I don't feel the same and..."

"Yeah, I know Bella," he had interrupted. "Let's not go through this again, okay? I just wanted to say that... well... we're getting to that age now... I think we could take it past kissing. I mean, if you're comfortable with that? I just want... to try something. Is that okay?"

"Jake," I said, hesitantly. "I don't want to hurt you. I think this will hurt you in the long run."

"Bell, I've thought about this again and again," he said, the awkwardness gone and conviction heavy in his tone. "We get on so amazingly because we both know what we're going to get from each other. You're my very best friend and I love you, and I hope you think the same about me..."

"I do."

"Good. Well, I know I'm so lucky to have someone who I'm _so _close to, and I know what I'm going to get from you. You want me as you friend- and I'm not going to expect or get upset when I don't get more than that from you. But we can... _offer _something more to each other, you know?"

"Like friends with benefits?" I snorted.

"Not exactly. Just like friends who have no boundaries," he shrugged. I wanted to argue with him, but he silenced me with a scorching kiss and... well... I just let him continue. It was a little awkward and quite painful, but it improved over time. And only once, to Jacob's credit, did he ever lash out at me for not feeling the same as he did. That night of the Pop-Tarts he had mentioned. But I didn't want to think about that argument, didn't want to lie to myself that I had been in the right when I knew that I should never have let Jake sleep with me in the first place, even if it did feel good and right and his logic had made some sort of bizarre sense.

I was dragged back into the present by the sound of food arriving. My stomach almost exploded with happiness.

As I typed the ending to my e-mail to Jake, and leaped to get the food, I caught Edward staring at me as I left in the strangest of ways. When I came back to the kitchen, carrying the vast amount of steaming food, he had disappeared upstairs, leaving me and Jasper to tear into our food alone.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter Ten**

It was three on a cold Monday morning and I had written the last sentence of my project. For a few seconds I just stared at my laptop screen, my mouth hanging open, incapable of thought. And then, ignoring the fact I was in a house full of sleeping teenagers who would punch me if I woke them up, I squealed with happiness and began dancing around my bedroom in utter joy.

Two weeks of research, writing, after completely losing my life and spending hour upon hour in the library, suffering through a lack of food and sleep had resulted in _this- _over one hundred pages of my project, full of images, graphs, charts and comprehensive notes.

It wasn't perfect, but it was done.

I was done.

It had to be handed in to my professor in 5 hours, and it was done.

I squealed again, and then fell back on my bed with a sigh. I should have been exhausted, but finishing it had given me such an adrenaline rush. I felt giddy, almost drunk with happiness.

Unable to sit in my stuffy, still filthy room for a minute longer, I saved and re-saved my work, just to be sure, and danced down the stairs to see if Jasper was awake. I knocked at his door, resisting the temptation to throw it open and leap onto his bed, reasoning that if I had finished a few hours ago and had finally been able to get some sleep, I would have been so resentful of someone shattering that sleep.

I waited impatiently, and counted slowly to twenty before knocking again. Still no reply. Cautiously, I opened his door a fraction and peeked in. It was pitch black, and I could hear Jasper's heavy breathing. He was asleep- had probably finished his work hours ago. Go figure.

Feeling deflated, I wandered around the house aimlessly, too buzzed to sit still. I knew I should have just gone to bed- but I couldn't. I considered waking up Tanya- bouncing on her bed as payback for all the times she'd interrupted my own sleep. But it wasn't really Tanya I wanted to talk to. I found myself standing outside Edward's room- still my favourite room in the house. Even before he had permeated it with his presence, I had loved it. The door was ever so slightly ajar, and I could see it was lit. Without thinking, I knocked hard, twice.

"Come in," Edward called, and so I did. He seemed surprised to see me. He was propped up on his bed, leaning against the wall, dressed in a pair of sweatpants and a loose t-shirt, his iPod headphones dangling from around his neck. "Hey," he greeted me.

I hadn't seen him since the night he tried and failed to make us dinner. For some reason, I felt like he'd been avoiding me. I hadn't been around the house much, but I would normally have seen him around when I came in, or rushed back to get something. I'd managed to see everyone else, however fleetingly. But no sign of him. I reasoned he'd probably just been working hard, or we'd just kept missing each other or something.

"Hey," I grinned broadly. "Oh, is everything okay?"

"Yes," he said, hesitantly. "Why?"

"Just wondering why you're awake at 3 in the morning, that's all."

"I can't sleep," he shrugged, making space on the bed for me to sit down next to him. "I just gave up eventually. I could ask you the same question though."

"I finished my project." I couldn't help it- I beamed.

"Aw, Bella, that's fantastic!" he grinned back at me. "Congratulations!" He embraced me in an awkward one armed hug. Somewhere down in my nether regions reacted violently to his touch, and I resisted the urge to shout at myself to calm down.

"Thank you," I smiled shyly, not sure what to say next. "I think I'm running on some work completion jolt. I haven't slept for like, over 24 hours but I feel like a kid on a sugar rush. And Jasper's fast asleep, lucky shit, and everyone else is sleeping too and I thought I was going to go mad..."

"Woah, slow down!" he laughed, ceasing my babbling. "Are you sure you haven't been packing away the sweets up there?"

"Scout's promise," I said, crossing my heart, making him laugh again.

"So, do you get your life back now you're done?" he asked, sounding a little wary of something, I thought.

"That's the plan," I grinned. "It's my turn to watch you all get eaten alive by work."

He snorted. "I hope that doesn't happen. So... if you're not going to get some free time again... maybe you and me could go out? Or... or something?"

I eyed him speculatively, feeling my heart pump blood around my body at an unacceptably fast rate and willing myself not to blush. "Like a date?" I blurted out. God, I really needed to go to sleep. It was like being drunk- I was so overtired I was saying things I would never even _dream _of saying normally. "I don't mean that," I corrected immediately with a nervous laugh. "I meant..."

"Well, it would be just us two." Edward couldn't quite meet my eye, and he was smiling lazily at something in the distance. "A _date _isn't a bad description for it, actually. I mean, if that's okay with you, obviously." It was his turn to squirm now, and to my delight, he blushed a little bit. Turned out I wasn't the only person with blood flow issues.

We caught each other's eye and laughed awkwardly. "Hmm, smooth Edward and Bella," he smiled. I liked the way our names sounded intertwined. _Edward and Bella. Bella and Edward. _Even though this conversation was more than a little mortifying, there was something about Edward that made me just see the humour in what could have been so awkward. Of course, when I was on my own, I would undoubtedly dissect my conversation and want to curl up in a ball and die with embarrassment, but in the present moment, I managed to find the funniness in the horror.

"It's too late for reasonable conversation," I excused our behaviour. "And I will take you up on the offer of that convoluted date." Edward smiled shyly, and looked at his hands. I followed his gaze. They were large and thin and spindly and gentle. He caught me looking and scrunched them into a ball self-consciously.

"Sorry," I muttered.

"Everyone always says I've got women's hands," he said, a ghost of a smile in his voice.

"Never seen a woman with hands that big."

"No, I suppose not. I mean, look at your scrawny hands." It was my turn to be self-conscious. My nails were unpainted and bitten to the quick, a bad habit I picked up when I was stressed, and even the skin around them was nibbled.

"How about _don't _look at my hands," I murmured, sliding the hands under my bottom. Edward laughed, but it quickly turned into a yawn. "Sorry, I'll go now. You must want to sleep."

"No, its okay..." he protested, but I was starting to feel the tiredness that should have dragged me down long ago rear its sleepy head.

"I need to be up early to hand this bloody thing in anyway," I smiled.

"This _bloody _thing, hmm?"

"I'm picking up on all your little expressions." I stood up to leave. "Goodnight Edward."

Edward smiled at me, a small, peaceful smile. "Goodnight Bella. Get some good rest."

I exited the room swiftly, managing not to trip over the various pieces of detritus that littered Edward's bedroom floor, which was just as disorganised and cluttered as mine. I stood outside his bedroom door and took a deep breath, feeling a gigantic grin spread over my face. I didn't know quite how it had happened, but it appeared I was going for a date with Edward. And _he _had asked _me. _Maybe miracles did happen.

Alice was like a FBI agent.

"Why can't you come to the cinema with me?" she interrogated in a whiney tone. It was the first Saturday since I had reclaimed my freedom, and we were sat in Alice's room, her clutching a cup of green tea, me a steaming mug of coffee. I had had only two classes after I had handed in my essay- our professor had congratulated all of us for getting it done and promised us the workload would be much less- at least for the next few weeks. He reminded us there was still lots to be done, of course, and we would have _plenty more _and _longer _projects to do eventually, but I was living in the present and refusing to think about another fortnight (or longer) stretch spent in the library.

"I have homework," I lied. "I need to go to the library."

"On a Saturday night, you have to go to the library?" she surveyed me sceptically, one perfectly groomed eyebrow raised.

"Yes," I said, like it was the most natural and obvious thing in the world. "I want to have a chilled out afternoon, and then go for a couple of hours and get some work done."

"Jasper said he didn't have any homework to do."

"Well... it's not mandatory. It's just preparation for an upcoming project. I don't want to fall behind."

Alice rolled her eyes. "Why don't you just chill out?"

I gestured at my pyjama-clad body and cup of coffee. "It's two in the afternoon, Al."

"Fine. Whatever. I'll find someone else to go with me." She pouted and stared out the window despondently for a few moments. I didn't know why I hadn't told Alice that I was actually spending the evening going out on a... I couldn't even think the word... _date _with Edward. She had firmly cemented her place as a loyal, kind and wise friend to me, and she also would undoubtedly give me great advice. But as much as I loved Alice, there was no way I could deal with her unquestionable enthusiasm in response to the idea of mine and Edward's... rendezvous. The way Edward had acted since had left me with no doubt that he didn't see it as a big deal- I'm sure he would have mentioned it if questioned by one of the guys what he was up to, but at the same time, I could imagine he wouldn't have felt the need to bring it up without prompting. I, on the other hand, had to force myself not to scream from the rooftops that he had showed some potentially romantic interest in me, and it was testimony to my infantile crush on the boy that I was even keeping it a secret from my best friend.

There was a part of me, though, that was doing it to protect myself. If others knew about it, particularly others as eager as Alice to turn the whole it's-not-a-big-deal (when inside, to me, it really was) thing into a spectacle, if it all went horribly wrong I would come out of it looking like a moron. If I told Alice right at that moment that I couldn't go to the cinema with her because Edward was taking me to some (currently unknown) restaurant for dinner, she would, like a typical female best friend should, be ecstatic and jump around the room discussing hair, make-up and flirting tactics (all which would, admittedly, help me a lot), and when I returned, would pump me for every last analytical detail of my evening. And if the date ended with Edward realising that I was, in fact, a bit of a moron and undeserving of his further attention, I would be left looking and feeling like an idiot. A sad idiot. And Alice would be sympathetic, and throw me a pity party, and then get me drunk and tell me to go and kiss some other boy and get over it all, all the while feeling _so sorry for me _because my little crush was not requited.

No. It was much better to keep it to myself. Although my hair would undoubtedly suffer without Alice's assistance.

God- why did I decide to study psychology again? I'd never dissected my decision making process in such detail as I had now. And I was beginning to understand why my brain came to the conclusions it did, and that just pissed me off even more.

"You could always ask Jasper," I grinned at Alice, who flushed red immediately.

"Obviously not," she murmured into her pillow, and she immediately changed the subject. "Oh my God Bella, I totally forgot to tell you. This isn't me gossiping or anything, but Leah and Sam? Totally getting together."

"No way!" I exclaimed.

"Yeah. Have you noticed how much less of a bitch she'd been?" I remembered her happy expression the other day.

"Huh. Yeah, I guess. Well, that one came out of left-field."

"You're telling me. It's super cute though. Sam's so protective, and I would have thought Leah would have hated that, but she turns into a massive sap when he's around. I think she's been through some messed up shit, or something and she's so appreciative to have a decent guy around for a change."

Having effectively deflected from the conversation about Jasper, Alice began to talk about something she had to do for class. I day-dreamed while she chatted about transposing and E flats and umm-ed and aah-ed in the appropriate places. I felt my heart race as I imagined what was going to transpire that night. There was something _very _awkward about living with someone who you were going on a date with that night- there was every chance that he would see me a few hours prior to us going out in my pyjamas, with my hair piled high on my head, desperately in need of a shower. If we bumped into each other in the hall, what would we say? Would we arrange the night ahead of us? "I'll pick you up at eight, Bella"- oh, no, wait; he wouldn't, because we lived in the same freaking house? Would I meet him downstairs when the time of reckoning came, even though I'd have to walk past his room on my way down there? If the evening ended in awkwardness or, even worse, an argument, it's not like he could say goodbye to me at the restaurant as we both silently vowed never to speak to each other again. For the next year at least we'd still live under the same roof- me in the only room on the top floor, and him in the best room in the house, both of us asleep in the same built-for-one-and-a-half-people beds.

I sighed.

"Sorry, am I boring you?" she asked.

"Not at all," I smiled. "What was that about Mozart?"

"Mommy. Do you like this green blouse, or _this _blue blouse better?"

"The blue one, honey. Why do you ask?"

I lowered my voice, and leaned in conspiratorially to the webcam. "I have a date tonight."

My Mom looked visibly shocked. "But... Bella. What about Jake?"

I rolled my eyes and sighed. I had had to make the call to tell my mother about my evening plans, after having a mini meltdown about what to wear, and I figured if anyone was going to know about it, it should be my mom, comfortably sitting thousands of miles away from me so unable to ask too many questions. It wasn't really the type of thing I could have told my dad, and my best friend in the whole world was kind of under the impression he was in love with me. I didn't plan on telling Jacob about any male relationships I made until I got engaged, and only then I would tell him because I would want him at the wedding.

I should have foreseen the Jacob questions. My mom knew as well as I did that me and Jake weren't boyfriend and girlfriend but she, like everyone else at home, assumed it was just me being stubborn and I would eventually realise that Jacob was "made for me". She loved Jake, just the same as pretty much everyone who came into contact with him. I remembered a time a year or so again when I'd been taking the piss out of her for her terrible taste in boyfriends, and she had casually told me that "not everyone meets their soul mate while they're a teenager." The memory and the present moment made my stomach roll in guilt, and even the memory of Jacob telling me I could "kiss as many guys as I wanted" was not enough to completely eradicate the guilt.

"Momma, you know he's not my boyfriend." Across the world, on a grainy webcam screen, Renee sighed and shrugged. She was too flighty herself to push the issue- she would always want me to make my own decisions and mistakes, just like she did. Not that I thought I was making a mistake.

"Okay. It's your call baby. In that case, the blue one's prettier." Her second opinion backed up my first, so I stuffed the green blouse back in my closet. "Now, tell me everything about this young man."

"Mom..." I warned. Renee was as open as I was closeted. She had an idea in her head of the typical Mom and daughter relationship- of us being best friends and sharing gossip and opinions about each other's lives. My mom was great, but she had forgotten that we had never had the conventional relationship she suddenly thought she was entitled to- most daughters don't do the food shopping for the house from the age of eleven.

"Oh, don't give me that," Renee laughed. "If you're not going to tell me _everything_, at least give me something."

"Well, his name is Edward," I began, suddenly painfully shy. I made sure I kept my voice very quiet- there would be nothing more torturous than him overhearing me talking about him to my mommy. "And he lives in the house with me." She pulled a face- I didn't know whether she was concerned about the fact that we lived (or, more importantly, _slept_) under the same roof, or if she had the same this-could-get-awkward concerns that I harboured. I continued quickly, "and, uh, I don't know him very well, but he was the one who took me to the hospital when I busted my ankle, remember?" Renee nodded enthusiastically.

"Two quick questions then I'll shut up. Oh- actually three. What does he study, what does he look like and what is he like as a person?"

"Medicine, gorgeous, and I don't know him very well yet, but he seems pretty darn nice to me."

Renee squealed, looking more like Alice than my almost forty year old mother. "Well, that sounds great honey. And as much as I still think you shouldn't give up on Jake just yet-" I huffed- "it's good for you to get these experiences. I hope you have a good night."

"Thanks mom. What are your plans for today, anyway?"

Renee smiled coyly. "Well, actually, I have a date of my own. Me and Phil are going to salsa dancing lessons and then dinner after."

"Salsa dancing?" I asked, open-mouthed.

"Yeah, and oh my God Bella, it's the best. It's so fun!" My mom bumbled enthusiastically on about just how much she _loved _it, and how she was definitely going to keep it up. I knew that she would lose interest in it within a few weeks, as she always did, but I was still hopeful that Phil would continue to keep her interest. He had lasted past two months- that was something for Renee.

"What time are you going out?" she asked, when she was done filling me in on her plans.

"Uh- seven. Shit, is that the time?" I gazed at the clock on my laptop in horror. I had less than an hour. "Mom, I gotta go, okay? I'll drop you an e-mail tomorrow or something."

"Okay baby, have fun! I love you!"

"You too momma." I slammed the laptop shut and took a few deep breaths to calm my racing heart before throwing off my pyjamas and slipping into my blouse.

One minute to seven, and I was stood in front of the mirror, surveying my reflection. I had tried so hard to look nice, but at the same, tried so hard not to look like I was trying so hard. My hair was straight, but with a little volume at the crown, like some article in a magazine had suggested. My blouse, jeans and heeled boots combination was smart-casual, so I wouldn't look underdressed or overdressed, I hoped. My make-up was natural, but the gold eyeshadow was not, elevating me to, what I hoped, was a sexy but relaxed look.

I wondered vaguely who I was trying to kid. I couldn't be sexy if I tried.

I thought I was going to be sick with nerves. As much as I had tried to drill into my head that this was not a big deal, my body still seemed to be incapable of grasping this. My heart pounded and hands shook.

A knock on my bedroom door almost sent me spiralling into a panic attack. With sweaty hands, I opened it, to see Edward leaning against it, smiling lazily. My breath almost caught in my throat at how good he looked- his hair was more tamed than usual, and a pair of jeans and a shirt hugged his lanky frame. His eyes were the familiar but no less shocking in their beauty shade of emerald. He looked so hot I forgot my nerves for a moment as I ogled him.

"You look very pretty," he smiled at me, his voice gentle and low. It made my heartbeat flutter in my chest. "So- shall we go?"


End file.
